a fun thing about my brain is it’s still very broken from j6 lol

i’m gradually whittling down the mountain of dysfunction so i can hold conversations & do chores & remember to eat so it seems like i’m basically functional.

it’s in a fun spot where you can look at me and be like “they seem fine idk what the problem is” but i can’t focus on things that require me going through memories of cop riots to discuss them.

figured out recently that i have to watch cop riot footage on mute bc the sound of yelling and bodies clashing and the pin pull on cans of teargas and flash bangs and metal clanging is an immediate reminder of the sounds at the capitol that filled my ears for three hours.

it’s been 5 full months and this is where i’m at.

everyone who was there to document is in the same boat, which is what makes the collective moving past and dismissal and forgetting so particularly confusing.

you’re telling me you’re not reliving that day every day? impossible.

i bring this up not to trigger anyone but because those of us who were there are increasingly left without a place to talk about the experience as everyone else moves on, and people need to be reminded that j6 was absolutely one of the darkest moments in american history.

i don’t believe in god but if i did i would say i witnessed the death of god that day. a side of humanity that should never exist, that humans should not have the capacity to reach, was on full display. the epitome of “i stared into the void and the void stared back.”

so excuse me for shitposting and laughing off the lil nonsense parades and vacuous, endless ego-flattering Discourse that serves no purpose but to make those pushing it feel smart while contributing absolutely nothing to improve the material conditions of the world we live in.

tl;dr

focus up, there’s real shit to deal with.