So, I'm 41 years old. I've been a parent for 13 years. I thought I had a good grasp on the question "are you in pain?" But after the last 30 minutes of Sam in more agony than I've ever seen anyone in, I have to recalibrate.

Suddenly his stomach pain went to a new level & he was screaming. But like, REALLY screaming. He looked like a cartoon character clenching his jaw so hard his teeth would shatter. But the pain in his face was second only to the wild-eyed fear as he screamed for help.

He begged us to help him. He begged the doctors for help. He begged to go home to his brothers and grandparents. He begged to get whatever is inside of him out. He told me it was too much and it had to stop and he didn't recognize himself.

Then he begged to die.

"DADDY, WHY DON'T YOU HELP ME?!?!?"

As a parent, not being able to do a fucking thing about your kid's pain as he pleads for help is...I can't adequately describe it. I just held him and told him it'd be alright but he knew I was lying because it wasn't alright.

Nothing is OK when you're powerless and your kid is hurting. I've never felt weaker or more useless. I doubt I ever will. I cried as I held him as he continued to shout "SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME WHY IS NO ONE HELPING ME?!?" And then he apologized to me.

"I'm sorry I'm making you cry, daddy. It just hurts so much!"

He passed out after 25 minutes that felt like 48 hours. He keeps waking up for a few seconds at a time, confused and hurting. It's like Groundhog Day but with excruciating pain. Then he passes out again.

And the horrible reality is we have it easy. There are kids here who died today, and will die tomorrow. This is a new level of pain FOR ME, and it pales in comparison to others. No parent should have to endure this shit. Ever.

I'm not OK. Not by a longshot. I still won't be OK even when we get out here.