I like to talk about difficult things, so here’s a little thread on a real one.

I recently ran into a person I slept with during a hard time in my life. That person didn’t treat me with the reciprocal care I needed, so I walked away. But seeing them was very uncomfortable.

Even though I talked about the experience extensively in therapy, seeing the person still brought up so many feelings of shame and discomfort, in part because I know I also didn’t handle myself well either.

Stirring up memories of a bad situation can be hugely demoralizing.

And then I remembered what my therapist said: you are a different person now.

I have done so much work since then and made so many changes to my behaviors, my thought patterns, the material circumstances of my life. Even the cells in my body have begun to turn over.

My point is this: if you’ve had a similar experience, don’t let it shame you.

You did the best you could at the time, lovely. Now do the work to do better.

The person you were then doesn’t exist anymore.

Let go, and let yourself be made new

One final thing: accountability is critical. But sometimes other people refuse to be accountable. Sometimes you can only hold yourself accountable, reckon with your own behaviors, and set boundaries.