STEVEN UNIVERSE: THE MOVIE thread

Before we get started, let me get the reader up to speed on what the Steven Universe universe has taught us all so far. Get you up to speed on the plot and the themes.

In the Steven Universe universe, earth was invaded a few thousand years ago by sentient computers that live in gemstones. The gems can project a hard-light hologram around themselves and interact with the outside world. End of interesting concepts.

The crystal gems are a militaristic conquesting caste society. They conquer other civilizations and planets, drain all the resources in order to perpetuate themselves, and move on. They have committed an unknowable number of genocides.

The military structure of gem society is based on purity of gemstones, with diamonds having absolute authority over others. There is a rigid caste system of gems. ~spoilers~ from here if you give a shit -- you should not give a shit.

White Diamond (your uncool mom) is the head diamond. Below her are the military and administrative blue and yellow diamonds. Then pink diamond, also an absolute authority compared to other gems, but like, she's your spoiled brat sister who's just lovable (she's not lovable).

The gem-computers can have sex by linking their processing power and projecting a merged hologram. It's called "fusion" and it's explicitly coded as sexual with sexual dances and multi-gem fusions not even remotely hidden as polyamorous.

Pink Diamond rebels because:
- she doesn't get what she wants
- gem society prohibits sex between gems for non-militaristic purposes
- earth has lots of fun toys on it

Pink leads a rebellion, fakes her own death, and gets the rest of the gems to leave.

Pink Diamond saddles one of her slave gems (who is in love with her master) with the secret of faking her own death. She forces the slave to never tell anyone, and then commits some kind of death in order to create a human-gem hybrid by 'birthing' him. This is Steven.

Before Pink Diamond gives birth to Steven but after she fakes her own death and pretends to be a normal gem, the rest of the Space-Computer-Nazis release a plague on the earth which contaminates all the other gems, right as they retreat.

Over the course of many adventures, Steven learns about his gem heritage and their society from the remaining gems left on earth. He learns that the Space-Computer-Nazis were really bad guys because they:
- were sexually regressive
- didn't allow polyamory

At NO POINT - and I really must stress this - as the revelations of gem society are crashing down around him does the show condemn this society for being, well, Space Nazis. The PRIMARY SIN of this society is its internal repression of gem self-expression. This is not subtext.

Anyways, as Steven progresses in knowledge and understanding, he has fusion-gem-sex with his 12 year old friend, forming a new non-binary person. If you think "sex" is a stretch, I again stress that the way this is handled and rendered is not subtle. It's in the material.

The remaining uncontaminated gems on earth help Steven explore and understand gem society until he eventually tries to reach them. Adventures and so on later, he goes and convinces the gems to be nicer to each other because we are all family.

The show proper ends with the redemption of - and again I stress this - literal Space Nazis by learning to be a bit nicer to other Space Nazis. It is not even brought up that they have committed numerous genocides, nor any promise made to stop. It's all good now, we allow fusion.

The show is SJW in its purest and most distilled form. Sex is the end-all of existence. Sex is self-expression, even between kids. The truest and most wicked thing one could do is halt self-expression. So long as we allow this of each other, everything is fine.

The show goes to lengths to redeem horrible characters - above all, the Diamonds - by allowing them to express their innermost thoughts. Once this is done, all is well. Actions are less than feelings and self-discovery. And now, soon, I will start the film.

Movie: Ah in a throwaway line at the beginning song one of the diamonds has "disbanded her armies" and another one always says she always says please and thank-you and a third "never makes anyone cry anymore."

The juxtaposition of childishness and war drama is revolting.

Steven is also still a twat, making them think he was going to announce he's moving to the gem homeworld only to say on a live broadcast "Psych, no I'm not." Of course he is painted as the hero.

"But we've done everything you asked."

Steven: "Great keep it up, but" (teleports away)

So only these powerful beings wanting to please him is keeping them from going on a murder spree across the galaxy but Steven thinks getting to lounge at home is more important, my god.

There's whole hours-long Youtube videos dedicated to this but the devolution of the art style is shocking. Certain kinds of stylistic gimmicks - which are nice when they are first introduced - are substituted for animation fundamentals (staying on character) & attention to detail

And we have our villain, some kind of even more poorly animated stretchy Mrs Incredible. She is apparently jealous of the Pink Diamond having had other friends. Calling it now: At the end they make up and learn to be friends together.

Ah she took away Steven's gem powers. Something something magic.

Oh by the way I should've mentioned this earlier, all the gems are women. Very intersectional, these sentient computers.

Ah, also should've mentioned: Steven's dad is a beach bum.

So our villain has hit the reset button on all the gem-computers. God the animation is getting even worse and character models don't stay the same minute to minute.

Gosh the new villain - I don't even remember her name - has the most annoying animation style, voice, and character motivations. This was the best they could come up with?

Ah okay we're doing ye olde Metroid plot. Samus tripped and lost all her powerups, and has to drag along a shitty Mickey Mouse knock-off (but a non-binary woman).

There's no plot, they're making up for this by having lots of songs that contain very little information (and very little musical talent).

They seem to be just redoing the show's most significant moments. The memory wipe is just an excuse to revisit what they've already done. This is incredibly boring, not even bad in an interesting way to analyze. Just dull.