I think namgi would be obsessed with being each other's ex. I think they'd go out for like two weeks (just enough so that they can say they've officially 'dated') just so they could break up and be weird about each other for the rest of their lives

because of course they stay friends afterwards!! they were friends before they dated!! the only thing different now is that they MAY exchange the occasional Loaded Look because of their History but hey that's their own business!!

they both LOVE assuring their mutual friends that Of Course It Won't Be Weird When We Hang Out Why Would It Be and hobi is like "I literally didn't ask"

ALSO LIKE: cannot overstate how it was a two week relationship. absolutely not worth being this weird for but THAT WON'T STOP THEM

god I'm just reeling they already have such weird ex boyfriend energy if they actually dated and broke up they'd be unstoppable. both of them get a spike of adrenaline at referring to the other as "my ex"

both of them laugh ruefully as they tell a story to their mutual friends of their time together, complete with a wistful look off in the distance. hobi and jin exchange a horrified look and literally refuse to ask any follow up questions

well that's enough time spent avoiding writing!!

MEANWHILE tae is so into namgi's breakup aesthetic and wants to convince jin that they should fake break up so they can also say and do such weird things all the time. jin is like "absolutely not"

before they break up they each purposefully leave like one item behind at each other's places just so they can do the dramatic returning-a-box-of-your-possessions thing to each other

I promise I'm done now

okay I'm not done yes they DO both drunk text each other, usually when they're at the same party which is horrifying. like namjoon is talking to tae and he sneaks off into the bathroom to send yoongi a 'you up' message while yoongi is literally in the next room talking to jin

so of course they have sex, and then do the whole "this was a mistake and it won't happen again" song and dance, except they both know it's DEFINITELY GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN and they're into that. it's horrifying

the funniest part is they both so deeply want to be asked about it, they want everyone to catch onto the fact that they're banging again and want the Concerned Speech about not getting involved w/ your "ex" and the rest of the ot7 just refuse to do it. THEY'RE NOT TAKING THE BAIT

namjoon: ah, so. love lives!! things can... get wild, haha. dating. crazy! how's yours?
jin: fine, thank you.
namjoon: great, that's. that's really great to know. (loaded pause) you know with me, it's like -
jin: nope, we're not doing this

because they can ALL SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING, and what's happening is SO FUCKING WEIRD, they all hate it. the only person who doesn't hate it is taehyung who again finds it aspirational and really appreciates and respects namgi's entire energy

why is any of this happening? why can't they just admit they're into each other and date for real? why on EARTH do both of them have a "breakup playlist" over a relationship that lasted for TWO WEEKS??? all valid questions

the breakup playlists are fucking excruciating btw. they're just utterly excruciating. they're each like 6 hours long and GOD the amount of overlap of the songs that each of them have on the playlists is truly alarming because they're "so in sync"

both of them spend a not inconsequential amount of time staring out the window while it rains reflecting on what went wrong and how love is fleeting and blah blah blah it's bad. even worse bc they're STILL HOOKING UP

so it's all going fine and then someone, let's say jimin because I imagine he'd love to start shit, is like "alright namjoon hyung time to date my friend!" bc namgi """broke up""" 6 months earlier so what's the harm, right?

and yes he knows namgi are still banging and he's so sick of them not just admitting they want to be together and continuing the whole ~break up aesthetic ~ so he's like fuck it TIME TO ACCELERATE THINGS, because he's the best

namjoon: oh I mean uh. okay. wouldn't that be kind of weird for him given my whole uh. history with yoongi hyung
jimin: the man you dated for two weeks six months ago. that's the history you're referring to.
namjoon: yes?
jimin: (internally: jfc) it won't be an issue :)

so jimin's friend (let's say it's taemin bc I love taemin) is like "great! totally down for this date!" and namjoon is like (nervous laughter) "okay this is going to be fine yeah, I mean I had to move on eventually, right? no more hookups with yoongi hyung I guess, haha"

so he goes and talks to yoongi and is kind of like “so we should probably not fuck anymore, because I’m uh… going to be seeing someone else soon” and yoongi is like “okay, great, me uh. me too actually” (frantically searches for the number of someone he ghosted 3 months earlier)

so namjoon’s like “oh, great, you’re seeing someone else too that’s fun. That’s really sexy and fun. I love how sexy and fun that is for you, hyung!” and it’s a fucking mess

so of COURSE what happens is they both go on these dates and totally can’t stop thinking about each other OR TALKING ABOUT EACH OTHER

like poor sweet taemin is trying to just make conversation and namjoon is just laughing about something funny yoongi said one time and is like “I guess you had to be there, haha"

eventually taemin is like "right. yoongi. that's your ex?" and namjoon's just like "well he's more than THAT" all affronted. meanwhile yoongi's being just as annoying to his date but at least kind of realizes it and gets out of there REAL quick bc sue him HE MISSES NAMJOON OKAY

so yoongi leaves his date and shows up at namjoon's and just like. waits at his door. and then he's like "oh god what if he's going to bang taemin and I'm just. at his door. while he comes home for a hookup. oh god fuck THAT'S SO AWKWARD" and goes to bolt

but of course namjoon is right there being like "hey" and yoongi is SUPER FUCKING BREATHLESS AND EMBARRASSING and is just like "hey yourself" and feels like an idiot for saying something that stupid but whatever, he's going through it

and yoongi's like "so you went on a date. right. I heard that from uh. jimin. and that's really cool. I hope it went well." and namjoon's like "well hey you had a date too, right?" and yoongi's like "yeah" and it's SO STILTED AND WEIRD THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO EACH OTHER

and then FINALLY yoongi is just like "okay listen I know we broke up and then started hooking up again and we both sort of leaned into the uh... aesthetic of those two things but I'm starting to feel like that was lowkey insane given that I actually really fucking like you"

and namjoon is smiling the DORKIEST smile and is just like "you really fucking like me, huh" and yoongi is like "shut up, you feel the same way!!!!! obviously!!!.... right" and namjoon's like "yes you idiot" and then they kiss <333333

and then they fuck and realize that yes they do love a good breakup aesthetic and yes they do love being weird about each other but they can do both those things and be in a beautifully happy relationship as well <3333

jungkook comes over (because he hasn't been in this threadfic yet and that's a problem) and is like "ok but... about those songs you've been writing about each other :D" bc he has been drunk namgi's confidante for many years and he knows EVERYTHING

and namgi are both like "what" and turn to each other with raised eyebrows and ofc it turns out that they both spent their """breakup""" writing sad love songs about each other. they listen to them and they're SO BAD they're SUCH BAD SONGS. the rest of the ot7 is horrified

ofc namgi think these objectively very bad songs are wonderful and fully tear up over them. jungkook is just so happy bc namgi are happy - namgi are ridiculously, over the top happy

ANYWAYS, no more insane breakup aesthetics EXCEPT FOR TAEJIN, because jin has finally acquiesced to tae's wishes and is allowing them to roleplay being fraught exes still in love with each other. tae requires a whole new wardrobe.

taehyung ONLY refers to jin as his "ex lover" and "former paramour" and jin pretends he isn't wholly into it but he really is. they pull off the whole thing so much better than namgi ever did.

THE END, what even was this