alright gonna be honest all these books on anxious attachment are very helpful EXCEPT for parts where they say the anxious brain can comfort itself by looking at all of the ways the story your anxiety is telling you isn’t true.

i say this because in my experience, the hyper-activated anxiously attached brain is very very good at pulling from real, tangible past experiences that can very well function as evidence that you aren’t safe. they don’t feel like stories. they feel like proof.

which leads me to think we should also be having convos about how the anxious brain can work on forgiveness & not relying on stories to be false. but instead recognizing that not every action from another person is a defining action

there’s an approach to comforting anxious attachment that makes it so you hold your partner to a standard of moral perfection. which (to my rational self) doesn’t account for humanity or the real world

long story short my brain is a file cabinet & one of those ladies in the court room is sitting there transcribing every conversation i’ve ever had & then filing it away so that any time i feel anxious i have immediate & unarguable proof as to why i deserve to be

also i haven’t finished the books yet so idfk what the fuck i’m talking about goodnight