And who can blame all of you, simply fallen victim to the blatant lies put forth by them? This was what you were meant to be, this was your fate: cash cows milked mercilessly for internet royalty GeorgeNotFound and his most faithful servant, DreamWasTaken.

Many… distasteful … individuals have previously taken on this burden, the same burden I have. You may be familiar with their names, perhaps, though out of said distaste I will refrain from mentioning them. Regardless of their identity, they’ve shared this goal with me,

and yet, /and yet/, they’ve consistently failed in their task.

They’ve made one fatal mistake and that is their hesitation to get within the mind of the fan themselves — their reluctance and refusal to /become/ a DNFer, uncomplainingly and wholeheartedly.

Their unwillingness to immerse themselves into the vermin-infested hellhole that is DNFtwt and DNFtok and DNFblr, the holy motherfucking trinity of internet shitfires.... that unwillingness? It's been their downfall, every goddamn time.

And this, my friends? This is where I come in. You see, I was like the rest of you, once: naive, gullible, trusting. Had I stayed with all of you any longer, I would have probably become a Tiktok DNFer: incessant references to Heatwaves and FF1970 and all. I know what you are.

Which is why every day I thank God I escaped.

I know what you’re thinking: come ON, TheDnfShift, it can’t be that bad! They’re only messing around between friends, you can’t genuinely be serious about this! So, I must make this completely clear: I have no malicious intent, here.

I have nothing against the creators themselves, as you will soon see. In fact, it’s quite the opposite, in many ways: I admire George and Dream for their commitment to this hellfire of a ship. I simply find it ridiculous that all of you have fallen for this ruse.

Look. They were all /so/ obvious. So pander-y, if you will allow me to steal a word from the Feral Boys’ Jackbox dictionary. Like, really? You want me to believe that these white Minecraft streamers want to be each others’ Valentines?

That they’re congregating under fanart of them kissing and making stan jokes because they’re closeted homosexuals? You want me to believe that these men are making cocksucking jokes on Mad Verse City because they’re /gay/?

No. Seriously, you expect me to believe that GEORGE, a supernatural deity worthy of the Apple of Discord was reincarnated on this mortal plane to make DreamNotFound endgame?

You’re telling me that that impeccable specimen of humanity fell for /Dream/, a quintessential Florida man who has openly confessed to wearing Gators sweatpants on stream??

You want me to believe that explicitly heterosexual GeorgeNotFound has fallen for our dearest “ambiguous” millionaire?
Cute.
Naive, but cute.

And then. And /then/. I came upon some very key screenshots. That triggered a … realization, of some sort. If you will. Made me reconsider my previous stance.