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You know what& #39;s frustrating about ADHD? No one notices all the things you managed NOT to do. Like today, I DID NOT impulsively buy yet another sewing pattern because the picture matches a fabric I have. That is HUGE for me.
No, they notice it when you do do the thing, like leave your sunroof open and then it rains in your brand-new car, or the fabric you bought shows up at the door.
Or vice-versa, when you do the thing that is supposed to be easy but is monumental for you (like, say, showering or paying a bill or calling a place for whatever reason). No, they just notice when you& #39;re NOT doing the thing that they don& #39;t understand is hard.
So yeah, normal behavior is actually ABNORMAL behavior for us and it& #39;s really hard and when I do or don& #39;t do something that seems obvious if you& #39;re neurotypical I want the the positive reinforcement to keep it up.
But that& #39;s not how we treat ADHD, we shame the poor behavior (or either doing or not doing something), rather than lifting up the "good" things that on the surface shouldn& #39;t earn praise.
So, I left the sunroof open and it rained in the lovely expensive new car and I told my husband and he was rightfully pissed. I felt like shit. I am probably never going to open that sunroof again even though I love it because I just feel like I don& #39;t deserve it.
And rightfully, it can sound downright condescending to ask "did you close the sunroof?" every damn time I come into the house, but hey, it can be done positively! I try to remember that with my kids, not to nag but positively reinforce.
God, eating and food is another one. I won& #39;t get into it now (maybe will in a podcast episode).
Anyway, making a big deal out of what (to you) appears to be small shit is so meaningful for us. Because it& #39;s a big deal to us, and we feel like shit because it is such a big deal and we know inside it shouldn& #39;t be, but it is because ADHD (or whatever else)
And that& #39;s where the shame spiral comes in. My brain desperately wants someone to recognize that it& #39;s a big deal that I didn& #39;t buy that damn pattern. But I also know that I shouldn& #39;t need the praise or that not buying something impulsively isn& #39;t praise-worthy, so why do I need it
