You know what's frustrating about ADHD? No one notices all the things you managed NOT to do. Like today, I DID NOT impulsively buy yet another sewing pattern because the picture matches a fabric I have. That is HUGE for me.

No, they notice it when you do do the thing, like leave your sunroof open and then it rains in your brand-new car, or the fabric you bought shows up at the door.

Or vice-versa, when you do the thing that is supposed to be easy but is monumental for you (like, say, showering or paying a bill or calling a place for whatever reason). No, they just notice when you're NOT doing the thing that they don't understand is hard.

So yeah, normal behavior is actually ABNORMAL behavior for us and it's really hard and when I do or don't do something that seems obvious if you're neurotypical I want the the positive reinforcement to keep it up.

But that's not how we treat ADHD, we shame the poor behavior (or either doing or not doing something), rather than lifting up the "good" things that on the surface shouldn't earn praise.

So, I left the sunroof open and it rained in the lovely expensive new car and I told my husband and he was rightfully pissed. I felt like shit. I am probably never going to open that sunroof again even though I love it because I just feel like I don't deserve it.

And rightfully, it can sound downright condescending to ask "did you close the sunroof?" every damn time I come into the house, but hey, it can be done positively! I try to remember that with my kids, not to nag but positively reinforce.

God, eating and food is another one. I won't get into it now (maybe will in a podcast episode).

Anyway, making a big deal out of what (to you) appears to be small shit is so meaningful for us. Because it's a big deal to us, and we feel like shit because it is such a big deal and we know inside it shouldn't be, but it is because ADHD (or whatever else)

And that's where the shame spiral comes in. My brain desperately wants someone to recognize that it's a big deal that I didn't buy that damn pattern. But I also know that I shouldn't need the praise or that not buying something impulsively isn't praise-worthy, so why do I need it

And then I feel like shit and I just buy the fucking pattern anyway because hey, I still feel bad but at least now I have a pattern.

I won't buy the pattern, I'll write a Twitter rant instead.