re Covenant Eyes on Josh Duggar's computer + hetero religious relationships

It's not a wife's job to monitor her husband's computer use. LDS women are not Quiverfull women, but some of our cultural issues are different hues of the same color. 1/ https://people.com/tv/josh-duggar-hearing-agent-reveals-timeline-child-porn-case//

We're taught that porn is dangerous and addictive. That men can't help themselves. I have seen too many of my friends wear their hearts and minds out supervising their husband's wanderings through the internet. It's not their job. Stop making it their job. 2/

Porn is not addictive. It's something you choose to consume or choose not to consume. It's a choice. Sometimes choices become habits. Habits are not addictions. Some porn is exploitative. Some porn is not. A value set dictates whether you engage with it, not demon lusty women. 3/

I understand value sets that include consuming *ethically* made porn and I understand value sets that reject all porn. People disagree with me on this (and I totally see their points!) but I think it's ideal when partners values are aligned when it comes to porn. 4/

Sex is complicated. Trust and safety are paramount. Some people can feel trust and safety with porn in the relationship. Great. Some people can't feel safe with a partner who watches porn. Also great. You're allowed to have boundaries! Talk, decide what works best. BUT! 5/

When there is partnered alignment on *rejecting porn* that should not turn a wife into an enforcer. It is not her job! It is no woman's job to keep any man from sexual behavior in any way! It is not her calling. It is not her work. It is not part of her covenant. 6/

If a man keeps choosing to do a non-addictive thing that he's agreed they should reject as a couple, that's not a conversation about porn. That's a conversation about something else. And it's not something that passwords and filters will fix. (But couple's therapy might!) 7/

What should a woman enforce? Well, re the Duggar case, keeping a father who has hundreds of images of child rape on his computer from ever seeing his young children again is the kind of enforcement I expect. She can uninstall Covenant Eyes on her way to divorce court. 8/x

dammit I am going to have to turn this into an essay