Self-identification/dx versus external-identification/dx of neurodivergence, acceptance, a thread 1/20

I feel sitting here watching the ructions from the past month (awareness month, attacks on ND twitter in general), and felt compelled to say a few words. There's been a lot of debate swirling around over hashtags, terminology, and who should use which. 2/20

A lot of this debate has been prompted by external forces keen to discredit self-advocates, and self-identified Neurodivergent folks have partly been collateral. There's a lot of questions, and some people questioning where they fit. 3/20

My personal feelings are that I've come from a place of understanding myself more in the last year from discussing lived Neurodivergent experiences with others, researching, assessing and feeling out where I fit personally. I've reached a level of self-comfort. 4/20

Enough to write this, anyway. 5/20

I went to a psychiatrist 12 years ago, desperate to understand why I could not finish tasks, was distractible, prone to agitation etc. After a few sessions I was told that I needed to smile a bit more, dress prettier, and was given a GAD/Depression diagnosis. 6/20

Now, I'd tried to be very specific about what I was experiencing (spoiler alert: it was ADHAgatha all along). The psych was wrong as it turned out. It only took 12 years, and multiple anti-depressants, and ND Twitter to figure it out. (Thanks kids, you are amazing.) 7/20

My GAD diagnosis (which is still on my medical records), was a case of a person looking at some statements from me, making some value judgements, throwing in a bit of personal bias, and arriving at a "judgement". The psych also didn't see past my skirt. 8/20

I began to self-identify as an ADHDer after coming across some threads on twitter with real people talking about real experiences. Not a symptom checklist in the DSM, based on "problems Squish causes to others". But I also didn't just do this overnight. 9/20

I researched, I spoke more to people. I took self-assessments, and took online cognitive batteries, but primarily, it involved a lot of introspection. I turned over life events in the context of me potentially being having an ADHD brain. Many things made sense. Some didn't. 10/20

Eventually I saw someone, and I sought external confirmation. My motive for that was about getting assistance. It cost money, and I had enough privilege to have been able seek that, and started medication that has helped somewhat. (some issues, mostly positive). 11/20

By the time I got to that point, I had a level of certainty about my situation. My introspection had gone deeper than even the "diagnostic" process would ultimately go. It was mostly treading familiar territory, because I'd already been there myself, so many times. 12/20

Sometimes people can be wrong, but most of the time they are right about themselves. After all no one else lives inside your head 24/7. Psychs can be wrong, doctors can be wrong, and a medical misdiagnosis can do more harm than me being wrong about myself. 13/20

That was my ADHD. Long before I knew what ADHD *actually* was, I'd suspected that I might be Autistic (some Autistic peeps had suggested I might be), but it wasn't something I seriously considered until I joined ND twitter and started sharing and talking to people. 14/20

What cemented it for me was encountering others with #adhdautism, as my experiences are not those of ADHD alone. But again, sharing, research, introspection, assessments. Also, I'd slipped into burnout during a complete and total life shake up. 15/20

When people started describing #AutisticBurnout, I realized this described my experience better than anything I'd encountered before. Again, I owe a huge debt of gratitude to many people simply for offering their own experiences up. Introspection, always. 16/20

That introspection took me back through my life, all the way through, filling in missing pieces that ADHD only provided a partial answer for. I'd had a series of progressively escalating burnouts since high school, and my experiences echoed those of other Autistics. 17/20

I am ADHD and Autistic. Diagnosis can give an "official" label to your experience, but its absence does not negate it.

If others experiences gel, and you dive deep within and understand yourself more in that shared experience then you've found a part of yourself. 18/20

So welcome.

Yes, YOU.

You may not feel like you belong here but you do. Your experiences are unique, and valuable to this community.

So many of us are here, because we saw ourselves reflected in others stories.

If that is you, then welcome from me. 19/20

One day it may be your story that someone reads, and says "this is me".

If that is, then that is a marvelous gift to give to someone. Self-understanding.

A quote I think appropriate:

"We are the ones we've been waiting for."
-- Ian Coldwater, Introsec Con, 2020 20/20