Something I have been trying to find the words to gently explain is that "sexual objectification" is not the only form of objectification and objectification is not a function of desire but of dominance

Let me see if this makes sense to anyone else in conjunction. People turn my fat body into a disposable object, trash, not one that CAN be thrown away but one that MUST be, one that needs to be expelled in order to create and maintain the personhood of the "normal" body

By discarding me, expelling me out, they create the borders of "normal" with themselves situated inside those borders

They cannot achieve normalcy without the dominance to make me disposable

Within this system of fat hate, I am what is defined in opposition of "I", I am what "I" is not, to borrow from Kristeva

Often I feel like I'm watching the world through glass, bug in a jar. Often I feel so completely detached from whatever a normal person is supposed to be because normal feels oppositional in it's categorization against me

I am an object, a thing, an example drawn from its negative. People joke sometimes about being trash but I wonder if they mean in the same way I do. I'm trash because I am what the "I" discards

This whole thread is just me gesturing vaguely to the experience of abjection because I was in a professional setting as someone who reads a lot about fat hate and the way my own body was discussed and used in that space was so demeaning and othering and uniquely about my body

It was so bizarre to have my body and bodies like mine discussed by the people around me who were not fat. I felt so much like an impoverished curiosity performing for wealthy people at their party or something. I felt like a circus animal

I've been processing it for like almost two days now. I can't explain how hard it is to constantly have to defend myself from people who have decided they know everything about me because they can see I am fat

And hoo god save us from the former fats and their ideas about "person first language" holy shit, it's so "inside every fat person is a skinny person", it was so utterly dehumanizing