Here's the beginning of my ranking of all sovereign states in the world.
It shall include the 195 member and observer states of the United Nations alphabetically, and then 11 states with disputed sovereignty status.
Now that that formality is out of the way, let the memes begin.
Afghanistan -
lol goatfuckers with towel heads haha!
"graveyard of empires"
America didn't even invade for oil we invaded for poppies that go to China that make the opioid epidemic a thing
otherwise irrelevant let's get the fuck out now thanks
Albania -
lol they probably have more emigrants than citizens tbh
BUILD BUNKER WE LOVE HOXHA
Skanderbeg was cool, ever since only relevance has been Balkan Wars and commies against Stalin
literally no idea what it's up to today except sending Albanians everywhere
flag is cool tho
Algeria -
made the mistake of not wanting to be France anymore
apparently doing pretty well for an African state, tbh it's probably cause they're Arabs and Berbers instead of sub-Saharans
still manages to be the "place of origin" of "refugees"
Andorra -
tax haven and really nothing else
wow cool the President of France and some random Bishop rule! omg! said the soy boy
smaller than even many small cities, size and population
Spain just annex this, it speaks Catalan and all Catalan speakers belong in Spain 😈
Angola -
ANGOLA E NOSSA
lol Marxists that probably would have been better off just staying Portugal
corrupt as shit and an absolute shithole, squandering vast wealth - template for almost all of sub-Saharan Africa to alphabetically follow
Antigua and Barbuda -
place that people get vacations to on Wheel of Fortune
that's literally it, tourism is its entire economy, White Americans coming to a pretty place while the Afro-Caribbeans that actually live their lives here live in squalor afaik
like their flag tho
Argentina -
nice White South American nation with shitty lib-left "socialist" leanings
Uncle H definitely died here among the German and Italian diaspora
Peron was better than whatever they are now
my accent in Spanish used to be from here
would also move here in exile
Armenia -
better than Azerbaijan cause they're actually White
just restore this baby to its size in ancient times I wouldn't mind
ok but other than that war recently, getting killed, and ancient times they haven't really done much
basically European
Australia -
my first crush was a girl from Australia, my dad's boss' daughter - she moved away :(
Aussies are great, definitely the best Anglos after true America
just become the 51st-57th states or something
Aussie slang beats all others please teach me more of it
Austria -
just rejoin Germany or at least restore the Austrian Empire, it's really stupid that this country exists how it does
Austria is good at exporting people, like Uncle H or Arnie (replaced by a low-T clone)
A-H was way, way better, now they just make scam wine
Azerbaijan -
Turkey but smaller and less successful, way worse inferiority complex
ended up with all the oil from the USSR, also inherited problems it created in the region
still somehow more stable than its neighbors, could actually (sadly) beat them
do they even have history
The Bahamas -
another American vacation destination, Wheel of Fortune prize!
at least they had the Republic of Pirates
why did Britain have to make the whole Caribbean black?
tax haven, but at least they do better than most of the Caribbean, proximity to America ftw
Bahrain -
typical Arab oil state, featuring pseudo-slave population of foreign Asians
I don't think they have anything other than that and other countries do that better
why are they and Qatar not the same country
Bangladesh -
worst part of South Asia and this is the only thing I am certain both Indians and Pakistanis can agree on
literally the nation of the Ganges and monsoon season
how their population is so huge I will never know, they're both poor and ugly
Barbados -
cool flag and basically nothing else
has the advantage of avoiding many hurricanes that pass through the Caribbean, because it's too far out from the rest of the islands
seriously why are all these islands 90% black
Belarus -
I support Lukashenko literally just because he opposes globohomo, I don't care about anything else
target of one of the most obvious CIA coups that failed really badly
kind of makes no sense that this state even exists, it's just an extension of Russia
Belgium -
sorry but your nation needs to be split between France and the Netherlands
definition of a buffer state, exists because of its neighbors not because of its people
made up for small colonial empire by being really brutal about it
Lotharingia/Middle Francia made small
Belize -
the Central American jungle Britain just kind of took
basically the only American colony other than the US and Canada they didn't make black/Indian
some expats move here like most of Central America, nowhere near as many as others like Costa Rica
Benin -
Dahomey was around here, selling their fellow Africans as slaves
probably the origin of a bunch of blacks over here but they prefer to say they wuz kangz
commies for a bit then unstable now they don't do anything, probably dictatorship
Bhutan -
for some reason lots of people like this place, I think it's cause they have a young-ish king who isn't ugly, with a wife who is much the same
literally does nothing and has no significance except water, you know you're irrelevant when you rely on India's military
Bolivia -
they speak too many indigenous languages here just speak Spanish like you're supposed to
really high altitude capital that somehow has a huge amount of people in it
had lots of silver to mine, the Spanish already took it all
really like being natives
Bosnia and Herzegovina -
ethnic warfare, the country
more ethnic and religious conflicts to fight over than coastline by a long shot
kind of just a country to spite its neighbors, still manages to not be a TOTAL disaster, after it got its ethnic cleansing phase over with
Botswana -
it uh... exists?
could have just been a part of South Africa but it had too many Africans
almost a quarter of Botswanans have AIDS. I think that sums up a lot about the state it's in.
has lots of stuff to mine, doesn't mine it
Brazil -
only the south is worth keeping, and even then the favelas of Sao Paulo and Rio aren't far away
If they didn't force poor Pedro out they would probably be a powerhouse
highlight of the abomination that was Portuguese views on race 🤢
Brunei -
the oil sultanate
oil is literally the only reason this nation isn't terrible
sharia law is THE law, praise Allah
Bulgaria -
the Balkan Prussia
used to be really big and the Greeks killed a bunch of them
somehow unscathed after being on the losing side of the World Wars both times, I trust they'll choose the right side again
actually pays NATO dues, needs to make babies
Burkina Faso -
I don't think they've done anything of particular note ever. Maybe just being the in-between of several empires
Illiteracy, genital mutilation, forced marriages, starvation, and poverty, oh my!
Burma -
calling it Burma instead of Myanmar because I don't fucking care
globohomo and CHYNA attempting some sort of weird coup here, don't care
military government, the country
Toungoo Empire was kinda cool
Burundi -
Hutu and Tutsi ethnic conflict participant, somehow still less developed and stable than its northern partner
I know nothing else other than Hutus and Tutsis and that they like cutting down trees
Cambodia -
Pol Pot country haha
had something to do with the Vietnam War
Khmer Empire was cool, and they have a bunch of Buddhist temples or whatever - Angkor Wat
pretty sure they're still under some one-party government
Cameroon -
German African colony, not even German at all France really took over
otherwise I know little except that it's a pretty typical African country, dictator and all
Canada -
not fond of Canada, they're us but with no spine
plenty of good Canadians but their country sucks, it literally exists just to spite us - that is entirely their nationalism, being "not-America"
bilingualism because they can't tell Quebec no and Quebec can't take a no
Cape Verde -
one of the most successful countries in Africa cause it's not actually IN Africa, I have no idea how they do it otherwise because there's nothing there
Central African Republic -
CAR lol!
this country sucks, really, really bad
like terrifically, terribly bad
while the land upon which it sits is resource rich, it's ridiculously poor
seriously, this place is the definition of a shithole, I don't know how Africa does it
Chad -
the myth and the legend
I miss Lake Megachad
other than that it's another shitty African nation, at least they have oil and actually use it
also they stole Romania's flag, what a chad move
Chile -
Pinochet please return to us with your helicopters of peace
pretty nice place really, considering it's in South America
globohomo wants Chile pretty badly though
they stole Texas' flag and no I don't care that Chile existed before Texas
China (PRC) -
not my preferred China
home of the bugmen
was kind of cool before Mao had them destroy their own culture, now it sucks and yet Westerners fall for their propaganda constantly (yeah sure we propagandize against them too idc)
take back the flu thanks
Colombia -
cocaine country, land of the FARC
those bird poops islands are OURS, bitch
country that used to be REALLY bad and is now just ok and its neighbor failed so much harder, there are plenty of Venezuelan refugees or so I hear
Comoros -
made the mistake of becoming independent from France and now Mayotte laughs at them
better than most of Africa, probably cause a lot of the islands' people are Arab, and it's not actually IN Africa
still totally a shithole, should have kept mooching off of France bro
Democratic Republic of the Congo -
not democratic, but definitely Congo
formerly Zaire, still shitty then too
fucked up and people try to blame Belgium when all they did was cut off limbs
AFRICAN WORLD WAR
resource-rich but an absolute shithole, who could have guessed?
Republic of the Congo -
might be a republic, but definitely Congo
not at all as interesting as its southern neighbor but who could be?
has oil, don't know anything else about them but that because the other Congo is just so fucked that this one is in its shadow
Costa Rica -
American expats and tourists galore
no army cause they mooch off of the US
really care about the environment which makes sense because there's really not much else here
except maybe bananas, let's install a CIA puppet regime and see
Croatia -
OMG KING'S LANDING
took all the coast, it can't let Bosnia touch the sea
idk much after Yugoslavia but it's in the EU unlike half of the former Yugoslavs so it must be ok
Kingdom of Croatia was kinda interesting, then they stop having their own independent history
Cuba -
decided to through a tantrum and become communist, now Cubans took over Miami
commie LARPers absolutely love this place, but so do antique car collectors
cigars so good that all our presidents have to be hypocrites and import them for themselves
Cyprus -
owns less than half of its own island yet has the whole thing in its flag, curious
should have just been given to Greece but Turkey had to be how Turkey is and the UK had to be how the UK is
seriously, I don't think they even totally own their own capital
Czechia -
German Slavs in denial
you don't spend that long under Germans and not become even a little bit German, stop kidding yourselves
should have stayed together with Slovakia because their people literally wanted to stay united
Denmark -
country that no one in America understands, but will still continue to call socialist
tried and failed to have a colonial empire, couldn't even manage a continental one
but hey, the Danelaw and North Sea Empire were a thing
sell Greenland already
oldest known flag
Djibouti -
booty haha
more military bases than people
don't know anything else and don't really care much
Dominica -
as part of the Caribbean, I'm sure you can guess for yourself what this place's economy relies on...
tourism for more than just the beaches though
Dominican Republic -
the blackest Latin American country
so, so much better than Haiti, you can see their border from space the divide is so bad
Trujillo killing all the Haitians
was bad, now they're alright
land of baseball players and a girl from my high school's husband
East Timor -
decided to be named "East East," good job
could have just been Indonesia but for some reason they fought it, I guess cause they're Christian and formerly a Portuguese colony?
Ecuador -
very creatively named after the thing that goes through its north
Galapagos Islands, holy site for Darwinists
honestly they're kind of the least interesting South American nation, even Uruguay is more interesting
Egypt -
nothing like ancient Egypt, literally not even the same ethnic people
doesn't stop them from claiming ancient Egyptian heritage and history
the chad Nasser was basically the only good modern Egyptian
their hatred of Israel was truly awe-inspiring, I hope it continues
El Salvador -
please become stable and stop sending your terrible immigrants to us through Mexico
full of gangs and poor people
doesn't even have their own money, uses ours instead
has basically always been a banana republic
Equatorial Guinea -
what oil does to an African nation (makes it stay shit but some people make some money)
former Spanish colony, currently not Spanish at all
oh look another African country that sucks
Eritrea -
they just HAD to take all of Ethiopia's coastline, come on man
and wouldn't you know it, they're a shithole
interestingly I have a personal connection to Eritrea in the 2nd degree - I went to high school with a girl born there, who somehow acted like a black American
Estonia -
Finland but smaller and more Russian
should have remained under the Livonian and Teutonic Orders tbh
still doing very well regardless, respect to Estonia managing to prosper despite being a post-Soviet state (same applies to all the Baltics tbh)
Eswatini -
I liked it better as Swaziland
should just be part of South Africa, but the British didn't want them to be a Bantustan back during Apartheid or something
more than a quarter of the nation has AIDS.
they are currently KANGZ though so that's cool
Ethiopia -
Abyssinia was cooler and the whole thing was way better off under the Solomonic Dynasty
the best history of any nation in Africa (excepting Egypt) hands down
handed Italy its ass the first time, really humbled the pastas
they have the Ark of the Covenant boys
Fiji -
scammed everyone by selling bottled water at a huge markup
scammed themselves by selling all their water
nice vacation really far away
guess what, Britain decided to bring a bunch of non-natives here - more than a third of Fijians are Indian
why do you do this Britain
Finland -
I do not understand why a steppe people decided to settle here
Mannerheim was a boss and someone managed to get the only normal speaking voice recording of Uncle H here
spent its whole history chained to either Sweden or Russia
very pretty women tbh 👀
France -
the German in me wants to fight over Elsass-Lothringen, but the American in me appreciates our good friend the Marquis de Lafayette
unlike most RW Twitter I like the Revolution, Jefferson was right
we owed France a debt we could never repay and repaid it twice, yw
Gabon -
I really don't know much about them but apparently there is oil so I guess they're doing better than their neighbors
with neighbors like theirs though, that's pretty easy
The Gambia -
a country that's just a river, what a cool concept, it's too bad Egypt does basically that but way better
about as poor as you might imagine an African nation being, and just as stable
Georgia -
definitely better than the state, even though it's way smaller in population and economy in a similar area
return the Bagrationi Dynasty
another of those nations that was much stronger and more relevant historically and spent a long time under the control of others
Germany -
ancestral homeland of mine, but I'm quite glad my great grandparents left - I couldn't bear to have grown up in modern Germany
under the dictatorship of Merkel, who has ruled longer than Uncle H (luckily no longer)
land of Turkish nationalists
may it rest in peace
Ghana -
they're here, I guess
first independent nation in Africa if I remember correctly, probably not though
Kwame Nkrumah for Pan-Africanism, in fact he liked Back to Africa so I like him
Greece -
why don't we call it Hellas or something like they do, honestly I can say that for many countries
modern Greece has little connection to ancient Greece but at least the people are the same as back then (looking at you Egypt)
home of olives and debt and corruption
Grenada -
not said anything like the place in Spain
the US invaded and occupied for a couple days cause they just couldn't not be communist or something
I don't think they've done anything since the 80s
their flag is kind of a fucking eyesore
Guinea -
Who?
Ebola scare country, Ebola happens in a wave in that area every year but for some reason 2014 was a reason to freak out
who would have guessed, life is hellish here
Guinea-Bissau -
another country that has me scratching my head as to what to say
former Portuguese colony that has decided to bastardize Portuguese language like Haiti did French
oh look another shitty place, hm
Guyana -
the British part of South America
and guess what, yes they did move a shitload of Indians here
literally a 40% Indian nation in South America, what the hell was the British Empire doing
weirdly Caribbean but not actually Caribbean
Haiti -
Navassa is OURS
lol they really killed all the White people and thought they'd be successful
on any metric Haiti is the worst in the Americas
Papa and Baby Doc Duvalier made things somehow even worse
the place where our foreign aid disappears (it never even arrived)
Honduras -
another place that really needs to get its shit together so we stop receiving scab people immigrants
drug cartels and poverty rule much more than their corrupt government
Hungary -
Orban is the man
honestly more nations need to act like Hungary, especially in the area of family planning
proof that immigration is ABSOLUTELY NOT required for population growth in the West
Trianon did Hungary dirty, return the lands lost
Iceland -
a very strong culture for a place only recently independent of others
tbh the Faroes should unite with them
well-developed nation with few people, but they're headed the wrong way with the one new rabbi
actually needed special dating apps cause everyone is related
Bjork
India -
best nation in South Asia but with its competition that wasn't hard
South India can fall into the sea
would not exist without European rule, cope and seethe Hindu nationalists, deal with your inferiority complex
should be better friends tbh
not a superpower even by 2060
Indonesia -
most-populous Muslim country but was curiously absent from Trump's "Muslim Ban"
once went on a date with a girl from here that I thought was Arab when I asked her out
very strange nation that many know next to nothing about
Iran -
never called itself Persia, has always been Iran
the Shah was way better and not even for the reasons neoliberals like
Islam literally pillaged ancient Persian culture and then sat on its ruins, much like a certain other ancient nation (Egypt)
Iraq -
actually not a shithole after the invasion, that's overblown in most of the country
continues the trend of Islam plundering lands of ancient civilizations but at least they built some stuff here
know some Iraqis cause my dad was deployed there
Saddam wasn't so bad
Ireland -
my last ex was named after it (Erin)
know a bunch of Irish lads, quit saying they're non-Whites boyos
globohomo trying really hard to exploit that 1% black population
creators of the best folk songs, but drinkers of not-great beer
26+6=1, but also get over it
Israel -
oh boy
If it wasn't Jewish, it would actually be pretty great. Change the name to the Kingdom of Jerusalem and make it Catholic (the Vatican goes to Italy and moves here), and nothing else and it's pretty based.
needs to get out of our business
"greatest ally" my ass
Italy -
why does it let San Marino and the Vatican exist
pizza pasta eyyy! 🤌
how to squander a several century's lead on civilization, the country
give Tyrol back
very questionable if some of them are White, the hot ones are allowed in
mafia eyyyy! 🤌
Ivory Coast -
stole Ireland's flag, as Africans do
they make coffee and cocoa and not much else
who would have thought they'd be poor and unstable
Jamaica -
Rasta mon!
an absolute shithole, the south of the island (facing away from the tourists) is one huge slum, the resort towns exist just for tourists and to hide their poverty
Britain loved bringing slaves over here to make sugar, now we have weed "culture" and reggae
Japan -
the honorary aryans
one of the US' best allies in a shocking turn of events
most of its contributions to the world are good, but what the fuck is up with the tentacle hentai guys?
stole the American car industry cause our companies were stupid
2 atom bombs made them weird
Jordan -
the Hashemites that succeeded by just... kind of sitting there and doing nothing
it's not called "the oasis of stability" for no reason, truly they are the most stable in their region
has very little economically and takes in so many refugees they might stop being stable
Kazakhstan -
borat did them dirty
fairly corrupt nation, my dad had to bribe their police to let him LEAVE the country
has a lot of potential with its vast resources and post-Soviet infrastructure, but huge disadvantages of a post-Soviet state
renamed capital for dictator
Kenya -
gotta go fast baby
no joke, for some reason they can all run
not the worst nation to be in in Africa
colonized by Arabs before it was colonized by the Brits, still speaks the Arab-African trade language of Swahili
best use of Pan-African colors in a flag
Kiribati -
not pronounced how you think it's pronounced
used to mine lots of bird poop, now they just farm coconuts
goes straight through the international date line, had to make that line all wonky
really worried about flooding but no one else cares
very cool flag
North Korea -
JUCHE GANG JUCHE GANG
I don't think they even really have nukes
patriotic song about potatoes
took one of our survey boats hostage, acts like they beat the shit out of us
would not exist without the PRC
still amazingly not as shitty as most of Africa
South Korea -
plastic surgery everywhere
men look like women and women look like plastic dolls
K pop isn't even that good and definitely not worth the stan culture, no one cares about your dance cams
punches way above its weight class
very good movies - I love Oldboy
Kuwait -
exists to spite Iraq, you're welcome for that btw
still an Arab, Gulf nation so of course they have a huge amount of pseudo-slaves
and oil, plenty of oil
almost half of their population is Asian slaves, pretty great but those are rookie numbers in this racket
Kyrgyzstan -
winner of the hard-to-spell-names contest
contributor to extreme border gore
very steppe Turkic but still uses Russian and Cyrillic
absolutely badass flag
probably watching the Uyghurs' situation with apprehension
Laos -
home of Kahn Souphanousinphone (definitely didn't google how to spell that)
"socialist" but no one cares
got fucked up during the Vietnam War, should have chosen a better neighborhood
multi-cultural so they can torture their minorities
landlocked in the jungles and hills
Latvia -
the least cared-about Baltic state, is basically just the city of Riga
as with Estonia, does very well in spite of never being independent until the 20th century
huge Russian population (another Baltic trait)
killed all the Baltic Germans
Lebanon -
used to be Phoenicia but now they're just known as the one place in the Middle East that doesn't persecute religious minorities (Christians and Druze)
all the owners of Greek restaurants in the US are actually from here not Greece
pretty nice place, despite no oil
Lesotho -
should have joined South Africa, didn't because it was racist
like its fellow should-have-been-South Africa, Swaziland, a quarter of its people have AIDS
completely surrounded by South Africa, seriously why is it independent it can't be a tax haven or anything can it?
Liberia -
The Back to Africa movement but terribly executed and almost no blacks went back
LARPs as America but in Africa, instead ends up in civil wars and dying of Ebola
home of General Butt Naked, most successful commander in history - definitely not child rapist and cannibal
Libya -
was so much better off under Gaddafi, despite his eccentricities
uncreatively named its capital Tripoli even though that's already in Lebanon
still in a civil war that both sides just kind of agreed to stop fighting
has oil so you know they're wacky
Liechtenstein -
another tax haven in the mountains
has very little reason to exist other than that it's not worth fighting over unless you really like skiing
you will never meet someone from here
ruled by a dynasty that hadn't even been there until a century after it owned it
Lithuania -
used to be huge (largest European nation of its time), now it's tiny
only one of the Baltics without a quarter of its population being Russians
will join together again with Poland and reclaim its lost glory, just you watch
Luxembourg -
TAX. HAVEN.
another nation that exists because its neighbors don't want each other to have it
for some reason they have a huge amount of Portuguese here
probably smaller than my home town
exists to make Pan-Germanists angry (yes I'm angry)
North Macedonia -
added "North" to its name to appease Greece, but I'm pretty sure Greece is still mad
what even are they
not where Alexander was from and that's why Greece is pissed, totally named themselves after the Greek region to their south
still claim Alexander anyway
Madagascar -
haha funny animal movie
worst of the African islands, which still makes it mostly better than the mainland
originated from Austronesians but Bantus swam over later
could have been the site for Israel
unique ecology, they have lemurs
Malawi -
shares its name with a long, thin lake
typically African, with dead babies, starvation, poverty, and AIDS
even had the dictatorship phase
Malaysia -
don't fly on their airline or you'll disappear
kicked the now successful Singapore out of its country, for some reason never united with Brunei
honestly should just be annexed by Thailand and Indonesia
strangest form of government ever, rotating monarchy
Maldives -
sinking into the sea
should just be part of India but they're Muslims so that'll never happen
the ocean is their whole economy, tourists come for the ocean and fish come from it
still worried that the ocean will become their whole country too
Mali -
still as focused on gold and salt as it was in Mansa Musa's time
location of the few great African kingdoms of yore
still as unstable as can be expected of Africa, totally not currently in a coup
not really an extension of the Mali Empire, or any of the other local empires
Malta -
wanted to stay British, got booted into independence regardless
uses a British medal on its flag, the country as a whole was awarded it
way cooler under the Knights of St. John, who still have a special status
speaks weird Italian-Arabic
Marshall Islands -
US territory that we permit to act like it's a country
seriously a huge amount of its economy is just US subsidies, and it uses our currency
going to make a cryptocurrency into its money, will probably still continue mooching off of the US
Mauritania -
meeting place of North Africans and sub-Saharans
last country to abolish slavery but they totally still do it anyway
almost entirely the Saharan desert
has natural resources but doesn't really use them, prefers to just enslave people instead
Mauritius -
oh my God Britain please stop transporting Indians to random islands
2/3 Indian but still counted as an African nation
the most developed nation in Africa, isn't actually IN Africa
once had the dodo but it went the way of the dodo
skews Africa's statistics
Mexico -
the Carteles will come kill me if I speak ill of them
not a very good neighbor, still has revanchists trying to claim lands that were empty until White Americans settled them, now they're full of Mexicans
literally fighting a drug war
gives Americans a reason to drink
Micronesia -
another American territory that we permit to act like it's a real country
Spanish, German, Japanese, and American, resembles none of the above
doesn't do much except mooch off of the United States
Moldova -
should just be part of Romania, are literally Romanians
poorest country in Europe because there's nothing here but open land
can't even control its own land, has a breakaway state we'll get to later in this thread
always been under someone else's control
Monaco -
Las Vegas of Europe
absolutely no reason that it shouldn't just be part of France except to be another tax haven and city-sized casino country
rich people's tourist trap
likes to race cars, has very little space to race them in
Mongolia -
still just as nomadic as ever
way more tame than their ancestors
throat-singing and metal bands
might have been where I lived had my dad accepted the job in Ulaanbaatar
going through a Buddhist phase since the 1600s
doesn't care about Chinese Mongols
Montenegro -
name is a slur, I'm really offended
Albanians in denial, but also Serbs in denial, but also Croats in denial, but also....
is basically just the capital city
wants to join the EU, EU will probably dissolve before it gets in
Morrocco -
rightfully rules over Western Sahara
bet you didn't expect that they're a monarchy
still seething about the Plazas de Soberania, will allow "refugees" to enter Spain through them in spite
largest city only known because of a classic movie full of White people
Mozambique -
would have been better off staying Portugal, still fought against them anyway
home of many Swahili ports, but Portuguese is their only official language
lots of natural resources, still poorly developed
almost like they're African or something
AK47 on flag
Namibia -
surprisingly still quite White (7% White 8% Mixed)
similar to South Africa in many ways, no surprise that it was part of that country until 1990
very sparsely populated, thanks Namib Desert
actually retained some German unlike every other German colony
Nauru -
used to be a tax haven and literal money laundering operation, now Australia keeps its detained immigrants here
mined all the bird poop so their economy relies entirely on Australian money
Nepal -
home of the Gurkhas
no longer the last Hindu monarchy after a recent civil war
democratically elected a communist party, because someone had to do it somehow
Buddha was born here but everyone thinks it was India
took all the tallest points of the Himalayas
triangles flag
Netherlands -
spends a long time as a republic, still ends up one of the last modern monarchies
my surname (probably) originates here
decided to fight the sea, might win
still has all its Caribbean islands
loves bikes and getting invaded
small space, tall people, big influence
New Zealand -
most annoying government and prime minister in the history of either one of those things
easily left off of maps
didn't get rid of the native population, weak!
instead they just took all the interesting parts of Maori culture and do the Haka while White lol
Nicaragua -
dangerously close to a slur
one half of the Iran-Contra Affair
could have had the Nicaragua Canal and become relevant like Panama
ecotourists love it, and so do dictators and revolutionaries
god dammit they send immigrants to us too, stop that!
Niger -
perilously close to a slur
what if we put a country on the edge of an expanding desert?
what do you mean they're poor and overpopulated and their farmlands are turning into deserts???
has uranium but it's not like they'd do anything with it
lives up to its almost slur
Nigeria -
much further from a slur, thankfully
really should be split north-south or something
can't stop making babies, even though they're just bringing them into poverty
totally, definitely not corrupt, at all
will take to twitter to fight both Brits and American blacks
Norway -
king of owning polar islands, on both poles for some reason
pays for welfare for everyone with North Sea oil money
doesn't want to be in the EU for whatever reason but will still let the other Europeans come in
prisons better than most regular living spaces
Oman -
had big colonial empire with lots of slaves but Western liberals will still whine about how only White people can do that
bet you totally didn't expect that it has lots of oil
the one Ibadi Muslim nation
half their country is expats, South Asians are their biggest import
Pakistan -
can't stop fighting India for Kashmir
gets away with supporting terrorists because they have an alliance with the US
exists just because Britain wanted to have a Muslim and Hindu South Asian state and for no other reason
why do they have nukes
family friend from here
Palau -
another of the US territories we allow to act like they're a separate nation
didn't want to join the rest of Micronesia, had to be contrarian
lots of Japanese, wonder if that had anything to do with the design of their flag
Panama -
stole the canal WE built, and we just let it happen
their economy relies entirely on that canal, you're fucking welcome
literally independent because we wanted to build a canal, you're fucking welcome
who cares that we invaded them cause of drug cartels (they don't)
Papua New Guinea -
retvrn to natvre, the country
for some reason they have like 1000 languages and haven't explored most of their island
absolute shithole, literally full of crime and rape and proud of it
would have been better off to stay Australian
Paraguay -
tried to take on all the rest of South America and lost, hard
we're taking entire generation of men lost hard
still won Chaco, fuck Bolivia
no one speaks Spanish everyone speaks Guarani
not a dictatorship anymore so at least they have that
Peru -
ruins of the Inca Empire
Japanese man for president in the '90s
no one speaks Spanish everyone speaks Quechua
recovering poverty addict
Japanese president still has huge political influence through "Fujimoristas" lol
Philippines -
should still be US territory
somehow combines every 3rd world problem into one island or another
source of many a mail order bride
absolutely gigantic slum capital of Manila sinking into the sea
even their hapas are proud to be Filipino
will snipe your drug dealer
Poland -
for untermenschen they're doing a pretty good job and maintaining Evropa
once a giant with its buddy Lithuania
hadn't existed for centuries, stopped existing again shortly thereafter, determined to continue existing today
stole a bunch of Germany
invest in Eastern Poland
Portugal -
actually black
why did you have to give the world Brazil? what have you done Portugal
Salazar was a bro
longest alliance, but it's with Britain so it's their loss
fell from empire almost as hard as the Spanish
originators of colonialism, so blame them
Qatar -
can't decide how to pronounce its name
should just join together with Bahrain
won't stop shilling Al Jazeera and dumb Westerners fall for their propaganda
don't look at our massive amount of sl- uh, indentured workers?
oil rich but you already knew that
Romania -
a great example of falling upwards
should really take over Moldova, but why would they want that poor backwater?
not actually a country of gypsies but they have more than elsewhere
speak a Romance language, who thought it was a good idea to make Slavic Latin?
Russia -
the big boy
hail Tsar Putin
nowhere near as evil or as strong as we are led to believe in America
surely corrupt but what else can you expect from the Tsardom
would be better as an American ally than foe but that's never going to happen
China's bitch for the near future
Rwanda -
apparently there's a hotel here, idk
famous for ethnic cleansing, but they didn't even kill the Hutus or Tutsis or whatever one they were trying to kill
go hug a gorilla
actually not a COMPLETE shithole after the whole ethnic cleansing thing
St Kitts and Nevis -
actually the first non-Spanish colony in the Caribbean
Anguilla didn't want to join these two :(
very tiny, smallest in the Americas (both in population and land)
also the last Caribbean colony to become independent
St Lucia -
Britain and France couldn't figure out who could own this island
which is weird because there's not really much to fight over
St Vincent and the Grenadines -
one small island and all its even smaller island friends
some volcano erupted here the other day
you guessed it, their economy is reliant on tourism and ship registration, because that's the Caribbean for you
Samoa -
not the cool one, that one's American Samoa
New Zealand's little buddy
kind of just relaxing in the vast Pacific Ocean
San Marino -
somehow flying under the radar for almost 2 millennia
really short election time, still somehow the oldest continuous republic so there must be a billion Captains Regent
don't understand why it's not just part of Italy but I guess it's just that useless
Sao Tome and Principe -
despite its founding as a slave plantation island colony, it's really stable
once again, one of the most stable nations in Africa is not IN Africa
Saudi Arabia -
really annoying that this country is named after its dynasty, I thought we stopped doing that in medieval times
everyone's favorite Wahhabists
killing journalists and enslaving Asian workers like nobody's business
no one cares, they have too much oil money
Senegal -
had to read a shitty book for school where a woman complains about her husband practicing polygamy that was from here
yeah this place is about as shitty as that book
massive debt and poverty, subsistence farming is as common as in most of Africa
Serbia -
former Balkan empire, current bad reputation haver
so what if they killed an Archduke, or some other former Yugoslavs, or something?
wants to be in the EU really badly, might actually make it in before the EU dissolves
Seychelles -
can you guess something about this island African nation?
yeah that's right it's way better off than mainland Africa
actually, it's the most well-off in many metrics
and it's still pretty bad by most people's standards, also it has the least people in Africa
Sierra Leone -
do I have to keep repeating myself with African nations?
at least here they mostly got the ethnic conflict and government instability over with before the turn of the century
still have huge natural resources that they don't use at all
Singapore -
got kicked out of Malaysia
big mistake for Malaysia, great opportunity for Singapore
honestly must be some sort of utopia or something, I don't really believe it exists
it's that planet from Star Trek where every crime gets the death penalty, even gum is banned
Slovakia -
should have just stayed together with Czechia
apparently makes a bunch of cars but I've never seen one
evidently well developed, never hear any news about it
honestly do they have history before Czechoslovakia?
Slovenia -
home of the most attractive First Lady
not really home of much else of note
first one to leave Yugoslavia, the rest of them hardly noticed it was gone
not a bad place, just not very noteworthy
Solomon Islands -
blondes with brown skin exist here, and for some reason Africans think this means they can be natural blondes too
some of their ethnic groups don't like each other very much
they have spears and war canoes or something?
Somalia -
pirates but with more plastic and AK47s and less eyepatches and peg legs
might have just as much scurvy
anarchism but in real life
not actually that piratical anymore, still hardly a nation
for some reason Obama put a bunch of them in Minnesota, we now have Ilhan Omar
South Africa -
how to fuck up a good thing, the country
went from a quarter White to less than 10% in a very short time
had nukes, destroyed them cause racism
Rainbow nation is just a myth, Mandela was a terrorist
race-based murders common but the world looks away
ugly ass flag🤢
South Sudan -
manages to be alphabetically ahead of its former nation, just barely
the Christian part of Sudan, but not really
the difference is actually that this part is black
still actually fighting Sudan
niggas be killin' everyone 'n' shit
Spain -
the rollercoaster country
watch it go up and down, left and right!
every constituent nation wants to leave but not until after their siesta
responsible for Latin America, a terrible crime
much worse than its actual historical crimes
actual fascists and communists
Sri Lanka -
Buddhist and no longer connected to India by a land bridge so you know that Britain had to make sure they were independent
huge civil war only ended a decade ago
think I actually knew a girl whose family were refugees here in elementary school
strong location
Sudan -
beaten in the alphabet by South Sudan
has a piece of land on the border with Egypt they both don't want
only just out of a dictatorship, now in a coup
has oil but no one likes them enough to buy it
that other Arab country on the Nile
Suriname -
that one Dutch colony in South America
it was British for a little bit
the Dutch decided to do the same thing as the British and randomly bring Indians to South America
why they fuck do they do that
sugar and slaves like the rest of the Caribbean
Sweden -
more like Swedistan
absolutely obsessed with "human rights" and "refugees"
absolutely abused by Arab and African migrants
from doing pillaging and rape to being pillaged and raped
very nice country, had to spoil it by letting everyone else in
refuses to see reality
IKEA
Switzerland -
should just be part of other countries
definition of a tax haven, but they also make watches and chocolate so it's more acceptable
almost as obsessed with guns as the US
not actually anywhere near as obsessed with guns as the US
one big fort with ski resorts
Syria -
GOD, SYRIA, AND BASHAR!
would be an ok place if it didn't have a massive civil war that will never end
for some reason we have to care about their civil war
might have something to do with a certain greatest ally
source of the refugee crisis, most "refugees" not from here
Tajikistan -
pretty typical post-Soviet state, dictator since the collapse and all
basically just mountains and torture
not much else
Tanzania -
the place they want to convince us all humans originally came from
Zanzibar used to be independent, now part of this nation
one-party state because no African government can be functional
yeah they're full of poverty, we would expect nothing less from Africa
Thailand -
home of the ladyboys and favorite destination of sex tourists (especially those who prefer... younger partners)
BANGKOK LOL
used to be Siam, still has the same monarchy
actually an American ally even though it vacillates between military governments
Togo -
that one really tiny German colony, Francified out of it
participant in the historical slave trade
dynastic dictatorship ftw
economically desolate, ironically produces cotton
Tonga -
never technically colonized
absolute monarchy until recently, really wanted democracy but things are basically the same as before but now they can vote on stuff
let's be honest you probably didn't know they existed
everyone lives on one island
Trinidad and Tobago -
that island everyone thinks is part of Venezuela
yeah, Britain moved Indians to another Caribbean island, because why not
but also why, seriously why
for some reason all the colonial powers wanted these islands really bad and they changed hands so many times
Tunisia -
used to be Carthage but now it's just a bunch of Arabs and Berbers
went through a pirate phase
most "democratic" Arab state, whatever that means
took the Arab Spring really seriously
EU and US ally, because we'll take anyone we can get
Turkey -
most nationalist country ever, all of their strongest nationalists live in Germany though
NOT the Ottoman Empire, Ataturk wasn't having that
Erdogan still wants it to become the Ottoman Empire again
2nd largest military in NATO, still tries to fight the US
Turkmenistan -
hilarious dictator
used to give all amenities to citizens for free
was way, way more relevant during the time of the Silk Road
now no one notices them :(
Tuvalu -
I don't know anything about them
Polynesian stepping stone islands I guess?
Uganda -
IDI AMIN!
we stan our antisemitic king
yeah otherwise it's fairly normal Africa, military dictatorships in addition to Amin, and still under a dictator today
UGANDAN KNUCKLES DO U KNO DE WAY HAHA
kill me
Ukraine -
SLAVA UKRAINA
would be a nice place if Russia would leave it alone, but we all know that's not ever going to happen
might start WW3 or something
actually elected an actor that played the president as their president for real
trads love their amber waves of grain
United Arab Emirates -
home of the expats and land of the MASSIVE non-citizen totally-not-slave population
only like 10% native citizen population
turned oil money into crazy architecture projects and now they have the world's tallest building
realizes oil will run out sometime
United Kingdom -
good'ay gov'nah!
is Bri'ish
capital otherwise known as Londinistan
conquered the world but now their can't trust their population with butter knives, ironic innit?
you got a loicense for that?
still owns random islands around the world
annoying tabloid monarchy
United States -
AMERICA FUCK YEAH
both extremely patriotic yet hates itself, much like how I feel about it
calls itself a melting pot but basically only Germans ever assimilated
despite being 5% of world population, commits 30% of world economy
please end the globohomo empire
Uruguay -
its most important fact is being White
and yet its still stupidly bleeding-heart liberal, like holy shit they love to approve of all the things American leftists love
should just be part of Argentina or Brazil, I don't care which one
votes online so you know they suck
Uzbekistan -
birthplace of Tamerlane and site of the once-great city of Samarkand
slaves in the cotton fields
still uses child labor
history is among their few positive characteristics I guess
Vanuatu -
probably one of the least interesting countries in existence
just sat on their islands fishing or something until Europeans came along and then continued to chill on their islands
only interesting trait is being shared between the British and French, but no one cares
Venezuela -
squandered great promise because they actually believed that Chavez and socialism could save them lol
genuinely believed that all they needed was oil but seemed to not realize that only works if you're Muslim
inflation, the country
failed state everyone must debate
Vietnam -
I hear there was a big war here, idk
ironically quite friendly to the United States
very afraid of the Chinese, probably should be because China claims their entire sea zone
wish I still lived near this very good Vietnamese restaurant in Richmond, Mekong, go there
Yemen -
oh boy another ongoing civil war
country our media really wants us to feel bad for, personally I don't care if Saudi Arabia bombs them
basically failing in every possible way, somehow it's Britain's fault to some people
really liked the Arab Spring
coffee came from here
Zambia -
hm another one-party African state
oh wow I'm so surprised that it's not doing great, no way
huge amount of natural resources.... yeah I think you know the rest by now
was cooler as North Rhodesia
Zimbabwe -
Mugabe, press S to spit
took all the land from White farmers, now they're begging for them to return
was WAY cooler as Rhodesia, retvrn to short shorts and bush wars please
all the Whites are gone and they're not coming back lol so much for the Jewel of Africa
And so ends all UN member states. There's now two UN observer states followed by a few other "honorable mentions" that have limited recognition or some special status, then I may add a couple interesting cases of my own.
Palestine -
not even a real country
is literally just Hamas in the Gaza Strip and nothing else
coping and seething that Israel went and completely shit on the partition plan, still refuses to accept any plan in which Israel exists
they just won't exist instead
Vatican City -
otherwise known as the Holy See, honestly that would be a better common name than fucking "Vatican City"
only a nation so Catholicism can be special or something
is the worst part of Catholicism, protects pedo priests
used to be way bigger
tradcath twitter flag
And now for 11 "states" that are recognized by almost no one, or literally no one. Others may be appended afterwards.
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