I just want to go on record that when I talk about allo cishet people at the edges of queerness I'm not talking about sex positions or who does the housework; it's that I've met a lot of cishets whose experience w/ gender is way queerer than mine, & I'm bi

and between my emphatic comfortable feminine-presenting cis bi womanhood and the way some of these allegedly less queer people talk about it I'm not sure I really believe in the "being queer makes your gender experience automatically a little off the social mark" theory anymore

because I've been trying to figure out for years where that vast gap is supposed to be between me and comfortably feminine presenting allocishet women when tbh it's more like "I'm like that and I also like women" than an Entire Other Lens, as far as I can tell-

-but there is a *very* big gap between them and me and a LOT of self-identitied allocishet GNC women I've met. And of course maybe not all of these people are actually going to end up allocishet women their whole lives, but they're clearly living at a greater social distance-

-from the cisheteronormative ideal than I for example am, and they do experience social aggression for it. I'm not sure a "but they're still straight" does the lifting here it's supposed to.

And it's going to be an entire other lens for a lot of people in my position too, it's more... clearly universalizing this theory is gonna create some problems on both ends.

The fact that my experience with gender is very normative actually made me feel like I was insufficiently bi for years.

...several hours later it’s hitting me as I look back over this thread that “that gender discomfort you’re feeling is probably just your orientation, pay it no more mind” feels like terf nonsense to boot