Things most psychologists don’t understand about men.

Thread.

1. A man can't lose his “man card” by driving a Prius. He may be justifiably mocked, but masculine status is a result of producing more than you consume. This is true always and everywhere. “Man card” revocation comes from the failure to meet that expectation.

2. Depression in men infrequently resembles the DSM description. Watch for irritability and isolation. “He is such a jerk lately” doesn’t always mean he’s a jerk.

3. Clamming up might be a problem-solving strategy.

4. Disagreeing with women is not misogyny. It is not patriarchal oppression. It is not violence. If you can’t leave your ideology at the door, then restrict your practice to women and children.

5. Kindness and niceness are very different things. A kind man can sometimes be decidedly not-nice.

6. Depriving a husband of sex is like depriving a wife of conversation.

7. Phrases like “henpecked,” “p-whipped,” and “old ball and chain” are affable ways of describing coercive control.

8. Some men distrust psychologists not because those men are emotionally disconnected or stricken with “toxic masculinity,” but because they believe psychologists distrusted them first.

9. The “traditional” and “toxic” traits that psychologists claim to be destructive are A) only destructive when exercised in a non-traditional manner, and B) precisely the qualities healthy women find attractive in men.

10. Women who succeed in controlling their men will invariably come to resent those men for being spineless.

More tomorrow. It's a long list.

11. Men rely on contextual cues and nonverbal communication in ways women do not. (This is one reason we dig team sports.)

12. Some men have no patience for silly bullshit. It doesn’t mean they don’t like you. This is useful to know when working with couples.

13. Respect — earned recognition — is the coin of the realm. Lack of respect is one of the reasons the field of psychology is failing miserably with men right now.

14. Ball-busting is a language of great complexity and nuance.

15. The most dangerous men are not the ones who believe they are strong and admirable, but the ones who believe they are weak and contemptible.

More later. Time for work.

16. If his father was tyrannical: “I’m not good enough.”

If his mother was tyrannical: “I’m not good.”

(Often, not always.)

17. Initiation rites have long served to physically remove boys from the influence of women so they can earn their status among men.

This is a muddled and confusing process in modern Western society, but it is still necessary.

18. Strenuous exercise is a magic anxiolytic.

19. Late teens and early 20s are a miserable time for many men. Too old to be aimless; too young to know where they’re going.

20. Far too many men believe they should be thankful for any woman who will pay attention to them. Each case of this sort is a train wreck waiting to happen.