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This dynamic, where people process any question/denial by a Black woman as an attack/unacceptable - even when it is literally part of her job, is one of the most exhausting things about academic professional spaces. https://twitter.com/dromolara/status/1388461830398427138
I can’t even say this is just a thing white women do (as in the OP). I’ve seen all kinds of people (including other Black women) devalue Black women in this very specific way, as though our word is only good when we’re smiling and approving. Otherwise we’re “angry”/“threatening.”
If you're doing a self-check, think about what you did the last time a Black woman told you no. Cry? Run to the nearest white person to "tell"? WW, did you get a white man to defend you/fix it for you? Did you feel "attacked?" Shift away from the issue to your feelings? 
This is what we mean when we say white folks can't see their own racism. Black lives matter, but you can only get along with the Black women in your own spaces if we know "our place."
(And in case my anger in this thread made you feel uncomfortable, know I'm not actually angry right now. Just explaining a fairly common/predictable dynamic. I'm making ice cream. I'm happy. I'm fine. But check that impulse to read my "anger" into your discomfort.)
