One week of hospitalisation, a few days in ICU- this time i think i made it through thanks to the amazing doctors & nurses. But also because of sheer power of love and faith of my friends, family and well wishers. Thank you so much for the positive vibes. eternally grateful.

It’s going to take a long while for the trauma of death & despair to leave me. What i saw inside hospitals was nothing short of bloodbath. Of nurses & Drs numbed by delivering news of death to patients’ loved ones; of bodies wrapped in white plastic sheets; wails & numbed cries.

of overworked nurses working 15-16 hour shifts, skipping meals; of ayahs and ward boys who literally are the backbones of these wards telling me that it’s been days since they have gone home to their families; of overworked doctors managing entire wards....

just how did it come to this? what led to this colossal disaster? Talk to the frontline health workers and they will tell you. talk to runners b/w diagnostic centres& hospitals and they will tell you. they will tell you that we forgot the virus was still out there;

they will tell you the govt gave mixed messages; they will tell you the elections were not required now; or the kumbh mela. they will tell you they need more hands on deck and that a lot of the suffering could have been avoided. but they will also tell u that no one spoke 2 them

no one asked them how this can be tackled better. when they knew i was a journalist- they asked if i would tell the world how they are getting a meagre allowance over their meagre salary to cover covid shifts. they asked if i will tell the world that they feel exploited;

that they lost a lot of friends to covid and that some of them havent seen their children in months; one ayah told me that her husband left her after she spent months on night duty on covid duty. another told me, she took night duty so she can educate her kids in the morning.

Nurses told me of trauma of telling loved ones of patients that they are dying/dead. i saw fellow patients sitting up one moment, eating & talking and suddenly the next moment dying, gasping for their last breaths. the frontline workers say they dont want to be called Gods

but want to be treated like human beings with dignity and not be yelled at and blamed for the deaths. A doctor told me of a patient’s family nearly taking his eye out because they couldnt save the patient. How and when did it come to this state? in a daze, i heard it all

i haven’t processed half the things thst my own body has put me through but i do know and felt pain all around & despair and that stench will stay with me for s long time to come....