Post-pandemic dating should be strange, all that time cooped up, self-radicalizing and re-calibrating on increasingly powerful and strange erotica.

Everyone's gonna emerge, cicada-like, extremely attracted to extremely weird stuff.

"Omg you like parasitic worms too? LET'S GET MARRY"

People casually showing up on first dates wearing full fursuits or renfaire costumes or *both*, jumping right past smalltalk into a discussion of Franz Fanon

No one even attempting to adhere to ye old rules of courtship.

"would you like to see pictures of a sea slug?"

A first date where both people bring their new falcons, and awkwardly flirt about bird medical issues such as cloaca fungus or beakworms

A whole population that has been, regardless of age, transformed into awkward teen nerds with incredibly niche interests and unrealistic expectations of beauty.

"oh. I was just... I though you'd have more tentacles, you know, given your profile picture."

A first date ends with mutual sadness as each realizes the other person didn't bring their animatronic owl skeleton

People releasing long pent-up sexual tensions by revealing that they can now only be sexually aroused while juggling.

"Oooh kinky. I developed a fetish for monster clowns. Could you wear this mask for me?"

In a better, brighter world, everyone emerges a certified freak, completely feral after too much time online

First dates where each infodumps for half an hour at the other about a niche subject and then both frantically make out while watching a cat video with Kevin McLeod bouncy piano music

Fearlessly introducing their partner to their parents while the partner's dressed head-to-toe as a machine elf

"Mom, Dad, this is my girlfriend"

Your new, beautiful girlfriend:

If you date and you *don't* take advantage of that rare chance to let your freak flag fly, you're just massively fucking up.

Who would date you when they could find someone who has transformed into a giant insect too

All "this person pretends they are well-adjusted." And "this person has also spent so much time online they forgot people don't bring pet spiders to first dates"

"What you say we go to my place and form a bardcore band"