There's a statistic that gets cited a lot that's something like "women who have sex with men orgasm 60% of the time, but women who have sex with women orgasm 80% of the time" (those aren't the real numbers, it's just something like that), and I've been thinking about it all week.
Oftentimes, that statistic gets interpreted as "straight men are bad at sex" or at least that queer women are more considerate and caring partners. And I want to push back on that because I think it's actually a very harmful read.
I'm not defending the sexual prowess of straight men — which is, uh, a mixed bag — but I think a) the idea that queer women are just naturally more caring lovers is... lol... and more importantly, b) that read reinforces the idea that your partner is responsible for your pleasure
And B is actually a very, very dangerous view, and one that primarily seems to be held by women (and especially women who have sex with men!). Like, men aren't jizzing every time they bone because they're constantly fucking dynamo lovers.
Men are taught to prioritize their sexual pleasure in a way that women are not, *independent of the skills of whomever they are fucking*.
When I was 18 and new to sex I 100% believed that an orgasm was something that a partner could wrest from me, through no real action of my own — that my pleasure was about their skill entirely. Let me tell you, that's a *terrible* way to have sex.
You have to be responsible for your own pleasure. Full stop. A sex partner can absolutely *help*, but it is not their job to singlehandedly make sex good for you. You have some responsibility in the matter!
And so, look: *my* theory as to why queer women are having more orgasms than straight women is a pretty simple one. I think that by its very nature, queer sex (and especially "lesbian" sex) requires you to think about what you want and ask for it.
When you are having hetero sex, and especially when you're having it as a woman, it is *unbelievably* easy to just shut your brain off and follow a script and just pound it out until everyone is tired.

That's a terrible recipe for pleasure.
It's a lot harder to do that with queer sex. It's not *impossible*, but it's a lot harder. There's not really a script in the same way, and so you're forced to reinvent what sex looks like every time you find a partner. You're forced to think about what you want and ask for it.
And the thing about that is... thinking about what you want and asking for it is a pretty good way to make sex pleasurable (and, if you want to, orgasm).
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