I’m quite a tough old bird but I get these needy pathetic spells that come over me. Where I really don’t like people or being social and I want to disappear into oblivion. I feel constantly misunderstood and awkward and I tough that out on a daily basis but sometimes dunno

You just feel like “sod this for a game of soldiers” I’m off sometimes I act on it but it passes then you feel like a right Wally It’s rarely even triggered by anything just a building sense of I’m a square peg trying to fit in round holes all the time.

I feel like I’m constantly passing wind in front of people but can’t help it Mostly I make a joke of it or say well I’ve got a condition which means I can’t help it but deep inside you know that you are still doing it and it’s not appropriate.

And maybe you should just not mingle with a condition like that

You kind of want to connect and it’s so good when you do so you keep coming back to the table to try to but there’s so many “miss-fires” and they get a bit tiring to be honest. So you think I’m not gonna try for a bit

Dunno it’s part of being autistic this constant sense of kind of disconnection and it’s got a volume to it that goes up and down. Not sure who is controlling it but it’s always there since like forever. It’s part of it and you can’t really change it either. Deep I know

I hate pity potting and it starts to feel like that so I’ll cop myself on shortly