Things not to say to someone grieving.
(A very personal list from my own experience of receiving condolences. YMMV.)
- "Everything happens for the best" / "It was meant to be" / similar.
How TF do you know? You have a crystal ball which sees all possible futures and found this was the best outcome? Fuck right off. Now.
- "[The loved one] is in a better place now."
May work for religious folk who believe in an after-life. It& #39;s not something you want to say to an atheist / agnostic. No, it doesn& #39;t matter what YOU believe, however sincerely; this is not about you.
- "Grieving is a process."
You& #39;re right.
But it works differently with different people. I& #39;ve seen grief that lasts a lifetime. (All grief does; it& #39;s just that for some the ache stays an open wound.)
If the bereavement is recent, it& #39;s hard to rise above it and see the long term.
.. Don& #39;t try to & #39;fix& #39; things.

- You don& #39;t know what to say, so you say nothing.
Reach out anyway. The bereaved person isn& #39;t expecting magic words from you. Chances are, they won& #39;t really hear you if you do happen to have the eloquence. But they will remember you reached out.
That last one? Saying nothing because you can& #39;t think of what to say? I& #39;ve been guilty of it so often.
Things you can say and do.

- "I love you. I& #39;m here for you."
(And mean it. Be there. Be present, in whatever way the circumstances allow.)
- Cook a meal and take it over or send it.
- Help with things like paperwork, giving away the departed one& #39;s possessions.
- The bereaved often have a lot of people around the first few days after a loss. The company helps. Then people must return to the other things that life demands. This is a good time to check in, not necessarily to ask whether they need help, but just to listen to ..
.. whatever they want to say. The silence they& #39;re unaccustomed to, the big hole in their life, the daily reminders of the loss, they& #39;re hard.
This is even more true if the dwelling unit was a small one, and one person is now alone.
Nothing you can do will bring the departed one back. No one expects you to.
But you can be a friend, an ear, a shoulder, a hug.
You can follow @zigzackly.
Tip: mention @twtextapp on a Twitter thread with the keyword “unroll” to get a link to it.

Latest Threads Unrolled: