It's Friday night and I'm trying to extend the weekend by not sleeping through it for once so I'm going to be up for a while....

So I got like all of this stuff to start my new life being serious about my spiritual meditation and feminine reclamation stuff but it's literally been sitting for weeks now because I'm like...effort.

My shadow work is mostly based on my issues with intimacy... And my issues with intimacy have a lot to do with my issues with self-acceptance... I feel like for me it's the last hurdle for me to level up but it's also the hardest one...

Like for real I got my little setup to start working on part one...cute right?

I know you take it day by day... But it includes changing my diet which I'm sure will also help with my migraines and my mood regulation and all kinds of stuff...

But bacon is delicious

But the level up...the benefit of taking care of your body so it can be at an optimal state... Not medicating yourself with external things to make you feel better... To be able to get back to your home frequency just with mindfulness...is appealing.

Also I watched this the other day. I've always been fascinated with polyamory personally. I've read a couple of books about it and follow this podcast @polyweekly

I love the transparency that is required for those kind of relationships. It's something that's different than monogamy, there are certain assumptions that come with monogamy & with polyamory have to be extremely clear about your expectations to make sure you're on the same page.

I got my own issues with intimacy so I don't like one person much less more than one but I still think it's an interesting lifestyle

Something Jada said during this super stood out to me though. She was temporarily speaking from the perspective of a dysfunctional relationship and said "the only reason I'm in a relationship is so that you can validate me in a way I can't validate myself"

That is super deep isn't it? When you look to someone else to validate you because you don't fully believe you are lovable on your own?

Everyone has their little fantasies about Prince...I pretend I'm mostly about the music and he's Professor but I have my moments of course. When I'm like "okay but I too would like a 2 year rotation pls"

I have been thinking about my fictional rotations... And because I can't just enjoy my fantasies I have to think about what exactly is it that he does for me in those fantasies. What desire is he fulfilling specifically?

For me it literally goes back to that intimacy component. Not sex, but as a Tumblr friend so perfectly defined, it was "the desire to be known".

What would it be like to be just fully accepted for who you are and not who you think you should be or even who you aspire to be?

My fantasies aren't even like directed at me, they're literally just conversations with P treating him how I wish someone would treat me. Very interesting how projection works that way...

That's something that I encourage people to do actually... Write down your fantasies. And then read them back to analyze with the desire is really about...

Kind of like the idea that jealousy or envy illuminate things you didn't know you wanted. You're going to have to back up and view it more holistically to identify with those things are...

I'm just going to put all my random thoughts in this thread so it doesn't show up in people's timelines like that...

A dog came to visit me this week and it makes me feel like I should get a dog because I've been thinking about it for a minute....

Okay they did not come to visit...I saw them off leash and peeing in my yard so I grabbed him, gave him water, and called the numbers on his collar. He lived a few houses down.

I had a dog once her name was Akane. She was also a Shih Tzu. I kind of want another. I loved loving on lil Jeano