When I was a kid, there was a tv ad with a punchline of, “you’re soaking in it.” My kid brain picked up that line and almost zero days have gone by without me thinking about it.

Whatever the context of my days, I wonder what I’m (we’re) soaking in.

The answer is usually something no one else can (/will?) see. We’re soaking in misogyny, in racism, in ridiculous little lies layered & layered over more harmful big awful structural problems. Or small mistakes, wilful ignorance, not rocking the boat, going along to get along...

“Stop being so negative”

But...we’re soaking in it.

(Shut up or they will shut you up.)

BUT WE ARE SOAKING IN IT.

(You’re risking your grade/livelihood/family/friendship again.)

BUT. WE. ARE. FUCKING. SOAKING. IN. IT.

(STFU STFU STFU)

Shutting the fuck up burns my world down. So does not shutting the fuck up.

Which one hurts more? Which one risks less? Which one hurts more people?

Which one will just put me further in the “crazy” category?

Holding all that in around conference tables...

...while we talk for 30 seconds to decide the white guy is ready for a big stretch role...and 45 minutes to debate the south Asian woman’s readiness...well probably more than 45 cos the meltdown is barrelling in...

We’re soaking in it soaking in it soaking in it gotta

reach Minimum Safe Distance

Don’t say do think feel be.

“...we might be a little bit starting to dip a toe into this soaking liquid”

S. T. F. U.

Minimum Safe Distance or choose your fate.

That is five decades of masking.

Don’t ask how I imploded: we’re soaking in it.