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wow this has rlly been like wow... this is what happens right. ur enjoying ur time in fandom and then u see something a white person does that makes u uncomfortable and then u have to process on what scale that harm is doing. and thats already a rly ugly feeling. and its not new
u have felt this a hundred times before. a thousand times. so u dont know it but u actually have the process memorized. ok what am i feeling. why am i feeling that. what did they do. and u start justifying. why might they have done that. what led to that. what happens now
and if u decide to say something it goes like, u message ur other non white friends and u say, 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đź’¬" title="Sprechblase" aria-label="Emoji: Sprechblase">hey look at this https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đź’¬" title="Sprechblase" aria-label="Emoji: Sprechblase">what do u think https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="đź’¬" title="Sprechblase" aria-label="Emoji: Sprechblase">am i crazy?
and then its receiving “wow what the fuck” “no ur not crazy” “no this is not ok” and now its more ppl who had to take in the content
and then its receiving “wow what the fuck” “no ur not crazy” “no this is not ok” and now its more ppl who had to take in the content
and process it. cuz we have to give things a chance right? cuz we have to understand why we are feeling the level of harm that we are feeling. cuz we need have some surety on what wrong thing is happening especially if we wanna say something. because we need to help u help us
and if u say something theres a range of different results u can expect and the best case is u receive an apology that will fall flat no matter what cuz the damage was done and u can only hope they did learn and will do better. and the worst case is not even being dismissed
no the worst case ends in the same way as the best case, but on the way there u had to defend urself constantly and u had to keep second guessing whether ur actually crazy and if what ur feeling is real and the whole time u think u are being so inconvenient and hassling everyone
just that overwhelming anxiety of like... wow... how must i remain empathetic in a situation where that courtesy wasnt extended to me in the first place because they never even thought to consider me...
thats so ridiculous??? that makes u wanna get mad. oh but thats not allowed
thats so ridiculous??? that makes u wanna get mad. oh but thats not allowed
and like lets step back. ur poc and ur not even involved but ur watching it happen and u see all these actions the white ppl are taking and thats harming u too because u see what happens if u were in that position. are we seeing these layers????
it gets called “discourse” this flat reducive word that sounds like petty drama on the tl that’ll blow over in a couple days right. oh another person got called out another person got cancelled wah wah. meanwhile all the poc that have interacted with this now are like losing it
like is this trauma?? what kind of harm is this?? what do u call it when something that was socially distilled in u happens real-time in a community that was supposed to be for fun and escapsim https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤩" title="Vom Star geblendet" aria-label="Emoji: Vom Star geblendet"> cuz thats what they said oh but that doesn’t actually include u and ppl like u
add in the layer of this being an eastern media fandom. lol
like there are so many ppl being touched by this. and no it doesnt blow over because the next one will always come. it keeps happening because white ppl are coddled and expect the benefit of the doubt. expect civility. and so we have to expect to provide that. because we have
literally already seen the consequences. and what we do is be there for each other and be ready to always reassure each other cuz who else will. cuz who else knows better. its so exhausting but its so important that its done with this community we had to build ourselves
