1 like = 1 fact about tortoises

1. tortoises understand many languages but speak none of them fluently

2. tortoises do not feel the emotion of jealousy

3. tortoises grow faster when exposed to folkpunk music

4. tortoises do not affirmatively support the royal family but will not make public statements renouncing them

5. only 6 tortoises have ever been sited in the northern hemisphere

6. tortoises were invented to further the plot of the hit 2009 film “the boat that rocked” based on true stories of DJs in the 60s playing pop music from international waters to avoid broadcasting regulations

7. michael meyers is a direct descendent of tortoises

8. a standard tortoise diet includes lightly flavored seltzer waters in tiny green glass bottles

9. a tortoise held public office for 2 terms as an elected coroner in a major county in new mexico

10. there are 4,598,002 known species of tortoises

11. tortoises are finely attuned to the paranormal

12. 39 states in the US tax tortoises

13. tortoises are reverse compatible with all previous console generations and accessories

14. tortoises cannot be parked on public streets

15. the tortoise patent is owned by norway

16. tortoises experience love in 9 different dimensions compared to a human’s one dimension

17. tortoises cannot lie but can omit information

18. tortoises have 12 different genders and 23 currently recognized sexualities

19. tortoises can do unlimited pushups but are not braggarts by nature

20. tortoises are legally bound to keep secrets shared with them

21. tortoises run and maintain 65% of our national parks

22. a tortoise’s skeleton is identical to a human’s, only smaller and stuck in a shell

23. all tortoises are unionized

24. tortoises are vegan to consume but do not personally subscribe to veganism

25. tortoises hold a deep, lifelong respect for their parents even as their interests, lives, and political orientations grow apart

26. tortoises don’t typically subscribe to the institution of higher education for reasons unrelated to intelligence or the drive for academic achievement

27. tortoises are not turtles except when they are

28. tortoises blend seamlessly into almost all social situations

29. tortoises typically inhabit corporeal form

30. it is considered rude and offensive to photograph a tortoise, particularly in harsh lighting

31. tortoises routinely renounce god

32. no two tortoises share a name but most tortoise names contain 14 characters including upper and lower case letters, symbols, and non repeating numerical sequences

33. tortoises are natural musicians burdened by the cruel evolutionary lack of prehensile fingers or tonal range

34. tortoises do not die or have not yet been observed dying

35. tortoises are capable of great evil but choose not to act upon it

36. tortoises receive a 99% on rotten tomatoes and are certified fresh

37. tortoises smell like fresh baked bread because they are often baking fresh bread

38. tortoises are reliable roommates both financially and emotionally

39. tortoises cannot fly