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I went away to college in 1995 at age 18, fully indoctrinated with your typical assortment of homophobic beliefs.
At a frat party, I found myself talking with a random dude, and I said something ignorantly homophobic. He laughed at me and told me he was gay. 1/9
At a frat party, I found myself talking with a random dude, and I said something ignorantly homophobic. He laughed at me and told me he was gay. 1/9
I was flabbergasted. He seemed so "normal," how could he be one of *them*?
Almost instinctively I tried to claim that I wasn& #39;t bigoted (although I was) and convince him that he shouldn& #39;t think less of me. I don& #39;t remember what I said, just that he kept quietly laughing. 2/9
Almost instinctively I tried to claim that I wasn& #39;t bigoted (although I was) and convince him that he shouldn& #39;t think less of me. I don& #39;t remember what I said, just that he kept quietly laughing. 2/9
That gentle mocking was the start of my deprogramming. I couldn& #39;t stop thinking about that conversation in the days, weeks and months that followed.
In the span of 20 minutes it had become clear that everything I had been taught was entirely wrong. 3/9
In the span of 20 minutes it had become clear that everything I had been taught was entirely wrong. 3/9
In my memory, all these years later, I recall something very Zen about him, the way he was so totally unfazed by my ignorance and bigotry. I& #39;m so grateful now that it wasn& #39;t someone more vulnerable who had to deal with that version of me. I could have really hurt someone. 4/9
I& #39;m not so self-deluded to claim that I was cured of my homophobia in the span of an evening. It has taken literally decades of self-education and self-analysis, and I wouldn& #39;t be shocked if there are some lingering biases I haven& #39;t managed to extinguish. 5/9
When I reached the point where I fully embraced LGBT rights, even felt an affinity, I thought back to that guy at that party and saw something of a role model in him.
Across the years, something in me called out to that person in that moment. 6/9
Across the years, something in me called out to that person in that moment. 6/9
Just one small problem: I wasn& #39;t into guys. Just not attracted to masculinity, at all.
I lived with that strange confluence of feelings for another decade or so before I was realized I was trans. Then it all fell into place. 7/9
I lived with that strange confluence of feelings for another decade or so before I was realized I was trans. Then it all fell into place. 7/9
I would like to think that I would have found my way to a more enlightened perspective even without that experience at that party. I never really had any hate in my heart, just wrong information in my brain. Once that bad data met reality, it couldn& #39;t persist. 8/9
Regardless, I& #39;m indebted to the guy at that party for the way he steered me toward being a better person. He didn& #39;t go there to do that, he& #39;s not a side character in my story. But just by being kind and honest, he helped me to learn to be better and kinder than I was. 9/9
(oh, and it turns out I& #39;m not as completely unaffected by the charms of masculinity as I thought I was??)
