I went away to college in 1995 at age 18, fully indoctrinated with your typical assortment of homophobic beliefs.

At a frat party, I found myself talking with a random dude, and I said something ignorantly homophobic. He laughed at me and told me he was gay. 1/9

I was flabbergasted. He seemed so "normal," how could he be one of *them*?

Almost instinctively I tried to claim that I wasn't bigoted (although I was) and convince him that he shouldn't think less of me. I don't remember what I said, just that he kept quietly laughing. 2/9

That gentle mocking was the start of my deprogramming. I couldn't stop thinking about that conversation in the days, weeks and months that followed.

In the span of 20 minutes it had become clear that everything I had been taught was entirely wrong. 3/9

In my memory, all these years later, I recall something very Zen about him, the way he was so totally unfazed by my ignorance and bigotry. I'm so grateful now that it wasn't someone more vulnerable who had to deal with that version of me. I could have really hurt someone. 4/9

I'm not so self-deluded to claim that I was cured of my homophobia in the span of an evening. It has taken literally decades of self-education and self-analysis, and I wouldn't be shocked if there are some lingering biases I haven't managed to extinguish. 5/9

When I reached the point where I fully embraced LGBT rights, even felt an affinity, I thought back to that guy at that party and saw something of a role model in him.

Across the years, something in me called out to that person in that moment. 6/9

Just one small problem: I wasn't into guys. Just not attracted to masculinity, at all.

I lived with that strange confluence of feelings for another decade or so before I was realized I was trans. Then it all fell into place. 7/9

I would like to think that I would have found my way to a more enlightened perspective even without that experience at that party. I never really had any hate in my heart, just wrong information in my brain. Once that bad data met reality, it couldn't persist. 8/9

Regardless, I'm indebted to the guy at that party for the way he steered me toward being a better person. He didn't go there to do that, he's not a side character in my story. But just by being kind and honest, he helped me to learn to be better and kinder than I was. 9/9

(oh, and it turns out I'm not as completely unaffected by the charms of masculinity as I thought I was??)