Today is heavy.

I remember everything about this day last year.

The bird that hit the window that Easton thought he scared. The call from my brother in law to come say goodbye to my mom. The FaceTime from a student the second after that call and his mom apologizing.

But, I told her it made me smile. Googling how the fuck to get to the Grey Nuns. Pulling over to FaceTime with my mom and sisters in case we didn’t make it in time. Parking and seeing my sisters. Going into the hospital (although this part is a huge blur).

Being taken to my mom’s room. Seeing her and I don’t really know how to describe this but not having any sort of clue as to *how* to say “goodbye”.

Leaving.

But then, later feeling like an asshole for not staying until she died.

The windstorm as I drove back out of the city. (So today is perfect haha) Texting with my sisters not knowing if my mom had “officially” died yet or not.

Then finding out her time of death and not being able to get through that time of day without crying for weeks.

Today is somehow so much harder than any other deathiversary

Hug your mom for me.