A thread : Rejection Sensitivity, and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.

I mention it a lot in various tweet threads, but it's often a brushing glance, and I inevitably have someone asking "What's RSD?". I thought I'd try condense some info into a thread... 1/23

Firstly, some terminology, as best as my brain has been able to construct. People are free to disagree with these but it's where my mind has currently settled. 2/23

1. Rejection Sensitivity

The degree to which someone is susceptible to experiencing and feeling rejection. 3/23

2. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

The experience in the moment of real or perceived rejection, which can manifest as an intense state of unease, often in ND folks accompanied by extreme physical distress, rumination. 4/23

I bring up all these terms because sometimes RSD and RS get used interchangeably, and they along with trauma are deeply interwoven in Neurodivergent experiences when it comes to rejection. I want to make it clear from the outset, that in my view, this is a complex topic. 5/23

My gut feel (somewhat an in joke, save the Alexithymia thread for another day), is that ND folks are wired to have a more direct physical - emotional connection. Our feelings are more intensely physical that those of the average neurotypical individual. 6/23

In this way, were are much more sensitive to rejection. Additionally, due to executive function challenges we have less runway for dealing with our feelings before they intensify. I certainly know myself I can go from zero to intense reactions before I can think about it. 7/23

One of the earliest experiences of rejection and for RSD for me as a child was a classmates birthday party when I was about 6. I've spoken about this recently on the podcast, but I was singled out for being different and strange and excluded from part of the party. 8/23

I felt intense rejection. Even to this day I feel in the moment (the Dysphoria part), which something has been stuck into my chest, my head spins, and often I fall into rumination and thought spirals about the event. It's an intensely troubling experience. 9/23

Now, I mentioned the expression, "real or perceived" rejection earlier. The key here is that we feel rejection, not the intent or the actions or others being intended to cause rejection. It's a key distinction because a perfectly benign action, or lack, may trigger it. 10/23

I've sent an email to a colleague, and got radio silence for several hours. My brain starts asking "Why didn't they respond?". Then come the what-ifs... "What if they are upset with me?" The information void takes over, and consumes my thoughts. 11/23

The void is where RSD can gain it's strength. To me when I'm experiencing it, the absence, the void, means there is no information counteracting those worse case scenarios, and pushing them back. Our brains, and prior experiences fill missing details. 12/23

How did we go from sending a rather innocuous email, to feeling like the world was caving in around us? We look for patterns. The more we experience rejection, more the prone to anticipating it we are. It accumulates, bricks in a wall, whatever you want to call it. 13/23

Previous life experience reinforces this and it makes it a lot easier for us to tilt into that rejection state, at least that is my personal experience. We also become incredibly avoidant of situations that might lead to experiencing rejection. 14/23

I've wholesale avoided necessary situations because I was fearful of experiencing rejection. This caused me to avoid soliciting feedback on a work project, which led me to make mistakes which later led to me feeling rejected anyway, and almost getting sacked. 15/23

The aftermath of this included another classic RSD trigger: "The unknown meeting". I was sent an invite for a 9am Monday meeting at 5pm Friday with HR, and no description. I did not sleep all weekend. I was told they didn't say why so that I would not stress about it. 16/23

I've found as difficult as it can be when it's warranted, it's better to get feedback sooner rather than later to close off that information void. Sometimes that means I'm going to find out I've upset people, or messed up, and that is still going to hurt a lot. 17/23

But not knowing, withdrawing from people and situations can be a whole lot worse in the longer term, as well in the short term for our own well-being and mental health. 18/23

I'm by no means perfect and just about left social media multiple times rather deal with potential hurt.

I'll still spiral quite often, and I'll often need to retreat and lick my wounds a bit. 19/23

When it hits us, we want to do anything we can to make the RSD stop -- including just burning everything down, but it's absolutely the worst time to act.

Sometimes we can distract ourselves somewhat to arrest the spiral. 20/23

For me once, I turned to twitter and asked for help, and someone suggested spinning on my chair till I was dizzy. It did help.

I think the reason why is it provides contrary sensory input and draws our focus away from the RSD. A short-circuit of sorts. 21/23

I've heard cold water on the face and other things like this might help to shock our senses, or if you have a favorite task, do that.

With any of this though, the best solution is to communicate so that you can deal with it. 22/23

I don't profess to be an expert in any of this. I have however written in more detail about my own experiences of RSD, which you can read here if interested: -

https://neuroclastic.com/2021/03/20/living-with-rejection-sensitive-dysphoria/ 23/23