I'm really glad I have finally figured out a lot of the self care that actually helps my body

But I'm still perpetually wrestling with the part of my brain that thinks knowing better ways to care for myself = all flares are somehow my fault for not doing self-care perfectly
My brain: this good thing that happened is completely luck and also you probably don't deserve it

Also my brain: this bad thing that happened is 100% your fault

I just. 🤷
At this point, I am so used to this reflexive jerk brain response that I am just sort of like "yeah yeah I'm the worst, whatever, can we think about something else now"

But when I'm really overwhelming...not so much
Anyway, in case you need to hear this today as well:

Sometimes flares just happen because *that's how chronic illnesses work* (also MH stuff, other disabilities, etc)

To quote Mary Oliver:
"You do not have to walk on your knees/
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting"
Also, sometimes I make the choice to "overdo it" even though I know I will pay with a flare later

And it's my body. I'm allowed to make that choice!

Ideally no one would *have* to make that choice to survive, but in an ideal world we have bodily autonomy so yes it's your choice
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