the nen explosion and why it didn’t hurt killua; a thread

i think the reason why the nen explosion in 131 didn’t hurt killua was bc it wasn’t meant to hurt him. it had been established that nen was the flow of aura in one’s body and that it was a force easily affected by emotion like bloodlust.

when gon turned back to killua screaming his name and saw how hurt he was, i think he felt guilt; guilty for how he’d been so selfish. and perhaps he realized how much killua treasured him. despite everything he did to push him away in this arc, killua still returned for him.

when gon realized how much killua meant to him, his aura changed; changed into something loving and gentle yet full of guilt. nevertheless, he still had to finish the job. the least he figured he could do was be kind to killua in his last moments.

it’s like that time in the heaven’s arena arc — when wing used his nen on gon and killua, he didn’t want to hurt them and that’s why they escaped unscathed. i think that’s what happened at the nen explosion and why it didn’t hurt killua:

gon didn’t wish to hurt him in that moment. not after everything he made him go through. it makes sense — his corrupted form carved by rage and fury was brought to life because he didn’t want to drag killua down with him.

then again, this thought is still problematic. in his efforts to protect him physically, he wasn’t able to protect him emotionally. gon is smart and he probably realized this, and that might’ve been why he started to cry. he failed in protecting him.

his face said it all; what he did was unforgivable and couldn’t be reversed. the explosion not hurting killua could’ve been a messy way of saying “i’m sorry” in the rush of the moment.

tl;dr the explosion didn’t hurt killua bc gon’s guilt abt the pain he caused him affected his nen and instead of hurting him, the explosion might’ve protected him

this is a mess of thoughts i had at 1am one night it was crazy. i don’t expect anyone to understand this but i needed to write this down so bad