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When news broke years ago about Josh Duggar's sexual assault of his sisters, and again with the news of his Ashley Madison account, we lost friends. A lot of them.
Because I pointed out that the blame was being put on the wrong people for what his sisters were going through...
Because I pointed out that the blame was being put on the wrong people for what his sisters were going through...
That his response minimized, miscategorized and blameshifted, and didn't demonstrate real repentance.
We pointed out the twisted theology that exists in those circles that wields "forgiveness" like a weapon and creates abusive environments. . .
We pointed out the twisted theology that exists in those circles that wields "forgiveness" like a weapon and creates abusive environments. . .
I talked about the legal realities - that contrary to that community's assertions, Josh wasn't being outed against the law. Rather, legal authorities were illegally protecting HIM. Including a state trooper who didn't report the abuse, and was later found to be. . .
in possession of CSAM himself.
We talked about the dynamics of abusive environments and concern for Anna and her children, and the fact that the repeated patterns of abuse and then presence on Ashley Madison pointed to a pattern that was NOT actually dealt with or changed.
We talked about the dynamics of abusive environments and concern for Anna and her children, and the fact that the repeated patterns of abuse and then presence on Ashley Madison pointed to a pattern that was NOT actually dealt with or changed.
And we lost friends.
Now, years later, Josh is arrested for possession images and videos of children younger than 12 being sexually assaulted. He has six children, with another on the way.
Not everyone will continue down that path, but people, patterns exist for a reason. . .
Now, years later, Josh is arrested for possession images and videos of children younger than 12 being sexually assaulted. He has six children, with another on the way.
Not everyone will continue down that path, but people, patterns exist for a reason. . .
It is critical that we recognize them, speak the truth about them, understand what real change would look like, and LISTEN to those who have experience and expertise in these dynamics where we may not.
The refusal to do so forces victims to be unable to be honest about the abuse
The refusal to do so forces victims to be unable to be honest about the abuse
It can result in using victims like a pawn in a PR show, pushing them to "forgive" and minimize and restore when it isn't safe. These environments applaud victims for these responses, making in nearly impossible to make another choice. If they do, they lose their communities
It leaves wives with men who are not repentant and not safe, convincing them that the godly response is silence and submission. Their children then pay an even higher price.
This is heartbreaking. It's also likely the tip of the iceberg. Patterns exist for a reason. We ignore them at deep peril.
But usually not OUR peril. Usually the peril of the ones we are expecting to forgive, restore and submit.
But usually not OUR peril. Usually the peril of the ones we are expecting to forgive, restore and submit.
