As people are talking about Anna Duggar--praying for, imploring her to leave...some quick thoughts from someone who works in the family/domestic violence sector. 1/

It takes women, on average, about 7 times leaving and coming back to make the final decision to leave. There are many contributing reasons for this back and forth.

#1. Money-- this is the biggest risk factor for women attempting to leave. They usually leave with nothing. 2/

#2. Legal Situation-- the women are often without the funds to pay for legal support that is necessary to support their attempts to sever ties and access to children. The legal system is slow, meandering and expensive to navigate. 3/.

#3. Walking Away From Community-- very often women are walking away from their entire community. They leave with next to nothing, and end up isolated and abandoned-- this is especially true in religious settings. 4/

#4. The do not want to harm their children by denying access to their abuser. While this might sounds messed up to you-- they are trying to be a good parent and don't want to mess their kids up. 5/

#5. They legitimately love their abuser. While this might boggle your mind, abusers are wholly evil or bad. And it is tremendously confusing to feel great love and intense fear and anger for the same person. They are walking away from someone they love. 6/

The issues of how a person in an abusive situation walks away are complex and legion. Please be aware when you post your comments, there are women in our Twitter community reading them-- and it is easy to judge until you are in the situation. 7/

I am not saying we shouldn't post...shouldn't pray, shouldn't grieve...shouldn't question-- but just realize-- it is not as easy as Anna Duggar grabbing her kids and saying, "Screw the patriarchy." It is messy and tremendously painful. They need help, not pithy statements.