I didn’t know I was masking, after probably 38 years of masking.
Some masking was “easy:” don’t talk. Don’t talk because you’ll say something weird that no one will understand; and, that will lead to more talking trying to explain it which will get even weirder.
https://twitter.com/mykola/status/1387794143708073991

Masking is don’t share your thoughts.
Masking is also smoking pot so your thoughts make your friends laugh. Masking is smoking pot so you can have friends.
It’s smoking pot to self medicate without realizing you’re self medicating for Things you don’t know you are.

Masking is to stop bouncing your leg when you’re driving and your spouse puts a hand on your knee because you’re shaking the whole car; despite the fact that in less than 5 minutes you’ll be bouncing your leg again.
Masking is to stop doing that thing with your hands.

Masking is wondering why everyone around you seems to move through their classes and careers without any problems; so, you pretend you don’t have problems with the “simplest” things.
Masking is to stop doing that other thing with your hands; stop doing that other, other one too.

Masking is smoking a bowl before you go anywhere. Masking is smoking a bowl before work so you can “handle yourself” around coworkers. Masking is smoking as many bowls as you can on the way to work so you can handle not knowing how to talk to your coworkers.

Masking is being diagnosed depressed with panic disorder. Masking is having panic attacks before work, before fun, before parties, before almost anything. Masking is having panic attacks after work, after fun, after parties, after almost anything. Masking is hard.

Masking is hard. Masking is trying to be a normal human; but, not knowing what that means.
Masking is sitting at lunch in the break room silently, while your coworkers say things that are incorrect and you fight to hold the correction inside yourself until you can’t.

Then they look at you. Someone says “What?”
You explain what you said. You try to teach.
“Oh, didn’t know that,” and they continue talking. They’re still wrong.
Masking is not explaining it again.
Masking is keeping most thoughts to yourself.
Masking is being called a genius.

Masking is being called a know-it-all.
Masking is being called arrogant. An asshole. Masking is being called stubborn. Masking is being told “you aren’t empathetic.” Masking is being called a genius.

None of them are true.
It’s being called “Chill,” “Relaxed.”

Masking is being told “you’re always so calm,” when your mind is screaming in millions of directions and you feel like you can’t breathe, can’t talk, and your chest hurts. Your heart is beating way too hard and fast. You feel like you might die; but, you think you know you won’t.

Masking is trying to talk normally. You can do it in your head.
Masking is acting like you don’t sound monotone. Masking is making a funny robot voice when one of your students says you sound like a robot. Again.
Masking is trying to ignore the robot comments.

Masking is trying to work slower. Masking is teaching physics, to 280 kids a year, even though only about ten actually want to know about physics. It’s pretending it’s ok that kids use their calculators to multiply a number by 10.
It’s pretending the principal made sense.

Masking is pretending that you understand when people say there is a rule it’s not a rule that they follow. It’s pretending to understand that people make up rules to look like they care; but, they actually don’t want anyone to follow the rules.

Masking is pretending to understand strict guidelines listing out ranges of specifications the beer we are testing must meet to be released to sell; but, every time it doesn’t meet the strict specifications it gets sold anyway, after repeat analyses making sure it failed.

Masking is pretending to understand how you can market a beer as “never watered down,” when the last step of the entire process is watering it down to half of what it was brewed to be.
Masking is pretending to understand when principals say “We must challenge these kids,”

principals don’t actually want you to challenge the kids.
Masking is pretending to understand when you are given strict guidelines to follow for grading students work, you are expected not to follow the guidelines.
When principals say “Set high expectations for our students;”

they really mean: we are going to say we’re setting high expectations; but, we’re really setting bare minimum expectations; and, we will set them lower if the students don’t reach bare minimum.
Masking is pretending the kids don’t know.
Masking is pretending it all makes sense.

Masking is pretending you know when in order “to pass, the grade must be above 70,” means the grade must be above 68. 67. 66. 60. 50.
Masking means pretending education is important while asked to make a packet of alternative assignments for the kids that didn’t turn in anything.

Masking means testing soil and water for pesticides, PCBs, and hydrocarbons to ensure the airport isn’t contaminating the soil and water; and, pretending you don’t know that the results are being changed by your manager.
Masking is trying to ignore the changes you saw.

Masking is pretending it’s ok to not share your thoughts, to not speak about the levels of contamination. Masking is pretending the face the QA Manager made when you finally spoke about the levels wasn’t about you. It’s pretending it was about the changing of data.

Masking is pretending you didn’t screw up lives by reporting the changes.
It’s pretending the company going out of business wasn’t your fault.
It’s pretending everyone losing their job wasn’t because of you.
Masking is pretending to understand why right was wrong.

Masking is making a lot of rules for yourself to follow.
It’s pretending to understand the difference between rules to be followed and rules to ignore when other people make rules.
Masking is pretending to understand the unwritten rules that most people just know.

Masking is pretending it’s ok to lose jobs without real reasons.
Masking is pretending you don’t see the world differently.
It’s pretending you understand why thinking logically will make you “weird.”
It’s pretending that you’ve got this.
It’s pretending you don’t feel crazy.

Masking is pretending you aren’t confused.
It’s pretending you aren’t breaking down mentally and physically.
It’s pretending the meds are working.
It’s pretending people see you as “normal” because it takes so much effort to keep masking.
It’s pretending that masking is working.