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actually i am very sad & tired & i can’t tell how much of this is [depression] or [circumstance] or [things i have found on the internet this week]
would rlly like to be like haha it’s just nasty on stan twitter but then it’s academic journals & then it’s stuff i read in published works & i hear irl in school or work & like damn dude.
can i just say a large reason i dropped out of my uni was because often times i was the only poc in my lit & writing courses & day in & day out i was the one who would laugh off racist crit, or try to bring up how things might be harmful, or how things could be reworked +
bc ofc it was important to u & ofc u never considered how it might be harmful, or u disagree & im dramatic
it’s so funny bc i joke w all my friends that i am so good, often times, at coaxing a white person into slowly realizing how their things might be harmful, but when i am not super kind & patient, i literally get called slurs. or people tell me that my writing is shit
and that i’m using my identity to get published or recognition when it doesn’t deserve it. you know how much that sucks? that it follows every non white person literally everywhere. it follows them everywhere. idk.
truly i am sad for a lot of reasons today and i want to laugh about it so badly but there is ash in my fucking mouth.
& can i say that i have never, ever, been cruel, or mean, or resorted to insults, in any form of discussion or commentary or crit. but that’s because if there is a HINT of tension in my words i will immediately be dismissed. immediately. please. uncivilized?
you know what else this means? that of course, people get fucking tired. that program i was in —- i think i knew maybe 3 other bipoc in it & they all 1) dropped out, transferred, or upon graduation, stopped writing. so if only one person speaks up, that means
that it was already a concern. other people already saw it. it’s that they’re tired & we all knew how it would play out. so what would have been the point. tell me. what would it have been. what fucking cost does it require?
also, and of course, i am never owed an answer, but i did dm the author. i did read the fic. 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤔" title="Denkendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Denkendes Gesicht"> still unkind? still hostile? i had 3 people read through it to make sure nothing could be misinterpreted as aggressive, because truly i did not
want to escalate anything. damn dude. i forgot that people literally do not care ig.
thanks for deleting it tho.
thanks for deleting it tho.
lmao
i will be done with this after. to prove that they didn’t only get “uncivilized” dms. lmao.
