To whom it may concern: this little app here really saved me from a dark place. Let me explain why. 2020 was mentally and emotionally extremely dark for me. I kept thinking I would return to my normally excited and chipper self. I kept thinking,

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“No I was just in a funk for a few days but now I’m back to normal” or “I’m just having a bad day. Once we get through (X) I’ll feel better”..... but I was fooling myself. I would have very dark weeks followed by one ok day. I was still able to mostly do my work, but

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Steadily I sunk lower. At my lowest, I contemplated running away from my family. It makes me so sad just to remember it. Wish I could go back and give 6 month ago Amber a hug and tell her she’s amazing. At my lowest, I thought that my family would be better off with out me.... 3/

That I made our lives worse.... that I was the cause of all our problems & unhappiness. I fantasized about God letting me die, & about abandoning my family.

One day a friend of mine with a mood disorder posted that he was using a mood tracking app, & it was really helping. 4/

I browsed the different types of apps and concluded on downloading this one. After 2 months of tracking my mood I was no longer in denial. I wasn’t really having ANY good days. There were terrible days, not as terrible days, meh days, melancholy days, and then OK days.

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Once I could no longer lie to myself that I was just in a funk, I made a doctor’s appointment and I just unloaded on her. I sobbed and wept. I told her the thoughts I was having...

& she prescribed me Wellbutrin, which may have saved my life. I don’t know how dark my mind

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Would’ve eventually gotten. And I don’t want to know. Within a short amount of time I knew that the Wellbutrin was a game changer.

I have my life back now. & it all started with this little app. This app brought me out of denial, thinking things would get better if I just

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Hang in there a little longer.

I want you to know that if you’re in a dark place, that you need to reach out to someone safe.

Sure.... prayer, worship, meditation, going for a walk, and eating nutritious foods are all good, & no doubt that they are good & beneficial... BUT 8/

A chemical imbalance in your brain doesn’t just go away because you will it to. Sometimes you’re doing all those things and still are in a dark place. We see from the psalms that we’re not the first to love God and also wrestle with darkness mentally & emotionally.

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The shame that exists around mental illness within Christianity should not be there. Sure, I wanted God to heal me so I didn’t feel so lousy. But have you ever had a cold and prayed for healing?? Just to end up having to endure the rest of the cold? Me too. And no one tried 10/

To make me feel ashamed of having a cold. Nobody tried to make me feel like I didn’t have faith, didn’t pray enough, didn’t read my Bible enough/wasn’t “close enough” to God.

Being on an antidepressant isn’t any more shameful than taking Zyrtec for seasonal allergies. 11/

If you’re in a dark place, this is what I want you to know:

1. Jesus inhabits dark places. Jesus mourns with you.

2. We need you. The world needs you. Even if you don’t believe that right now. The world is better because you’re here. Depression is lying to you.

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3. Reach out to someone safe. Your doctor, a friend, someone.

You’re going to make it through this and it won’t always feel this way. If you need a friend to be praying for you, I will. Just let me know and I will pray. 13/