Christianity involves a process of destroying all your corrupt self-confidence so you can learn to believe in yourself the correct way (how God believes in you). I will not explain further (not smart enough to do so).

I will add something to this, maybe make thread... I received words of very wise priest last week. Told me: you will hear voices, both yours and the devil's. They will say "You're worthless. Who do you think you are trying to be holy? You're a sinner there's no hope for you."

And then priest said to me: You'll be holy when you get to the point where you can hear all of those accusations of the Enemy and say "yes, and?"

This really activated my almonds all week, but the yesterday something happened that scared me. Something very good happened, but then immediately I heard the voice I was warned about "what gives you the right to be blessed? You're just going to fuck this up."

And like in the moment it knocked me on my ass. I pushed away people who care about me because I was terrified if I got any closer they would see through me. See that I don't belong or deserve.

But I prayed about it all night (and all day today) and finally I was given a name for my temptation, the name of an old demon defeated years ago, returned in his final boss form: I am facing Spiritual Imposter Syndrome.