Read on Twitter
I haven’t been very active on Twitter lately. I may delete this thread in the morning, but for now I’m going to talk a bit about mental health and grief.
Grief is a complicated thing. The grief associated with losing a loved one to suicide though is something I truly could not comprehend two months ago. And then my brother took his life.
The first week was a fog. @tobymac said it well: “Day two, let the flood begin. Day one left me in my bed - I can barely remember it. Heart shattered in a thousand ways.” Yeah.
I am a crisis manager by profession. I poured myself into crisis management that first week. Dealing with the ME, making arrangements for his body, consoling our parents.
Facilitating the uncomfortable decisions that could not wait, planning and executing a celebration of his life, learning how to live-stream on the fly so distant family could participate.
The first week or two, the grief was the heart-wrenching pain one would expect at losing a sibling. I found myself saying after the first week, I could almost come to terms with the fact that he was gone, but not that it was by his own doing.
But grief has an insidious character. In a way, it’s a mental tax, a parasitic drain that quietly sucks out joy and energy and motivation. I find I need to make a point to seek out things that energize me, to counteract that.
Why am I sharing this? In the hopes that maybe someone amongst my followers will be encouraged that they are not alone. Or maybe will think twice before putting their own loved ones through this.
Suicide is selfish. It leaves those that love you the most to clean up your mess, all while they are grieving. It leaves your loved ones with unanswered questions, with unanswerable what-if’s. At times I am mad at my brother for leaving us to this.
There some in my circle that lost loved ones to suicide, that were willing to reach out to me. I’m as introverted as they come, but grateful I could talk with someone that understands, that can say my grief is normal. I want to pay it forward. My DMs are open if you need to talk.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, or what you are dealing with, but you don’t need to face it alone. It may seem insurmountable but it’s not. Please talk to someone. If not a friend or family, then the national suicide prevention lifeline: 800-273-8255.
