Read on Twitter
Is it just me, or are these Diamond ‘Strike On Box’ Matches entirely nonexistent?
I swear to you, we have been searching for a box of these bad boys EVERY WEEK at our local grocery for like 6 months. No luck.
Confused, we decided to make this a true quest...
I swear to you, we have been searching for a box of these bad boys EVERY WEEK at our local grocery for like 6 months. No luck.
Confused, we decided to make this a true quest...
Let me explain. We have a ton of candles and I like to keep matches around in case of emergencies. But for a long time, we’ve only had this ONE box. They have 300 matches so it’s good for a while.
Until about 6 months ago when we started running low...
2/
Until about 6 months ago when we started running low...
2/
I immediately put it on our digital grocery list and checked the next time we went to the grocery. We get most of our food from Aldi and everything else from Meijer.
Neither store had them.
Aldi? Sure that makes sense.
Meijer? Weird. Maybe they were out of stock that day
3/
Neither store had them.
Aldi? Sure that makes sense.
Meijer? Weird. Maybe they were out of stock that day
3/
Two weeks later, we check the kitchen department at Meijer again. No matches. Not even a place where they might have BEEN.
We check the entire store. Nothing.
Not even the camping section.
4/
We check the entire store. Nothing.
Not even the camping section.
4/
The only thing we find are those emergency waterproof matches that are super expensive in the camping section. Not what we need lol. We need regular fucking kitchen matches. Just some TINY LIL STICKS WITH FUEL ON THE TIP. That’s it.
5/
5/
After a while, our search was largely forgotten. We bought some lighters to use instead and they have worked just fine.
I prefer matches for the tactile aesthetic and because I enjoy tactile things like that... but the lighters did the trick for us
Until...
6/
I prefer matches for the tactile aesthetic and because I enjoy tactile things like that... but the lighters did the trick for us
Until...
6/
I’m watching a YouTube video of some guy trying to build something for under $10 at Dollar General.
AND HE BUYS MATCHES.
Suddenly my need for matches is REKINDLED!!! I need to resume the search!!
7/
AND HE BUYS MATCHES.
Suddenly my need for matches is REKINDLED!!! I need to resume the search!!
7/
Good thing there’s a Dollar Tree right by my work 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😏" title="Grinsendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Grinsendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😏" title="Grinsendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Grinsendes Gesicht">
Last week, after work one day I head over to Dollar Tree, excited by the prospect of finding some matches! I scoured that store, looked high and low, down every aisle (sometimes TWICE!) but to no avail...
8/
Last week, after work one day I head over to Dollar Tree, excited by the prospect of finding some matches! I scoured that store, looked high and low, down every aisle (sometimes TWICE!) but to no avail...
8/
Finally, after filling my basket with some odds and ends, I head to the register. The cashier is a sweet old lady and I ask her if they carry matches.
She looked at me with confusion in her eyes. Borderline terror.
“Matches?”
“Yeah! Like regular ones!”
9/
She looked at me with confusion in her eyes. Borderline terror.
“Matches?”
“Yeah! Like regular ones!”
9/
She stares hard into my eyes.
“Uh, to be honest, I haven’t seen a box of matches in... years...” she says.
Honestly a little freaked out, I change the subject. She asks her coworker and her coworker acts like she doesn’t even understand the words coming from her mouth.
10/
“Uh, to be honest, I haven’t seen a box of matches in... years...” she says.
Honestly a little freaked out, I change the subject. She asks her coworker and her coworker acts like she doesn’t even understand the words coming from her mouth.
10/
Did I enter an alternate reality without tiny fire sticks? Is this my Mandela Effect??
The cashier assured me that they, indeed, have lighters. Only lighters.
I already knew that, however — I had seen the 6-foot display of them...
Clearly, this was a dead end
11/
The cashier assured me that they, indeed, have lighters. Only lighters.
I already knew that, however — I had seen the 6-foot display of them...
Clearly, this was a dead end
11/
I called Allison when I got into the car and she suggested I try Lowe’s across the street. Great idea.
I wander around in Lowe’s for a while (no luck) before I get the bright fucking idea to ask an associate.
“Hey, do y’all have matches?”
12/
I wander around in Lowe’s for a while (no luck) before I get the bright fucking idea to ask an associate.
“Hey, do y’all have matches?”
12/
The associate stares at me for a beat.
“Uh-um, no. We only carry lighters.”
Why did this question seem to stop these associated dead in their tracks? I work in retail so I know that some customer questions are totally out of left field.
But matches are ubiquitous, right?
13/
“Uh-um, no. We only carry lighters.”
Why did this question seem to stop these associated dead in their tracks? I work in retail so I know that some customer questions are totally out of left field.
But matches are ubiquitous, right?
13/
Later, we texted our friends and asked them if they had seen any matches at the store lately. A few of them agreed that they hadn’t seen them in a long, long time — aaaand one of them said “Why not use a lighter?” https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😶" title="Mundloses Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Mundloses Gesicht">
13/
13/
Had he been bodysnatched? Replaced by a lighter worshipping cultist?
The cashier at Dollar Tree was very proud of her lighter display... her SHRINE TO THE DARK LORD OF LIGHTERS!
Of course, the conspiratorial avenue is the most interesting — though silly.
15/
The cashier at Dollar Tree was very proud of her lighter display... her SHRINE TO THE DARK LORD OF LIGHTERS!
Of course, the conspiratorial avenue is the most interesting — though silly.
15/
BUT STILL.
Where have all the matches gone??
Another friend suggested we check Target — since she reported seeing some there.
Allison checked today. NOTHING.
16/
Where have all the matches gone??
Another friend suggested we check Target — since she reported seeing some there.
Allison checked today. NOTHING.
16/
At this point, this was a true Quest. Consuming our every waking moment. Matches. Matches. Matches.
I looked on Amazon (the dreaded) expecting to find a black market of resellers price gouging these tiny fire babies.
17/
I looked on Amazon (the dreaded) expecting to find a black market of resellers price gouging these tiny fire babies.
17/
Finally... I FOUND THEM
18/
18/
AND THEY HAVE RAVE REVIEWS!!
/19
/19
But wait... what’s this?
Some of the top rated comments betray a sense of confusion? Are these real matches?? Is THIS the first clue to the black market I had anticipated? ARE THEY FORGERIES??https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😱" title="Vor Angst schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Vor Angst schreiendes Gesicht">
21/
Some of the top rated comments betray a sense of confusion? Are these real matches?? Is THIS the first clue to the black market I had anticipated? ARE THEY FORGERIES??
21/
21/" title="But wait... what’s this? Some of the top rated comments betray a sense of confusion? Are these real matches?? Is THIS the first clue to the black market I had anticipated? ARE THEY FORGERIES?? https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😱" title="Vor Angst schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Vor Angst schreiendes Gesicht">21/">
21/" title="But wait... what’s this? Some of the top rated comments betray a sense of confusion? Are these real matches?? Is THIS the first clue to the black market I had anticipated? ARE THEY FORGERIES?? https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😱" title="Vor Angst schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Vor Angst schreiendes Gesicht">21/">
Unless...
Unless the Diamond company was taken down by Big Lighter and they are operating a shadow organization out of Chile!!! THE CONSPIRACY GOES SO DEEP!!!
21/
Unless the Diamond company was taken down by Big Lighter and they are operating a shadow organization out of Chile!!! THE CONSPIRACY GOES SO DEEP!!!
21/
No wonder we couldn’t find any matches! Big Lighter has destroyed the competition and implanted false memories inside our brains to make us recoil at the mere thought of matches!
That’s why the cashier at Dollar Tree and the Lowe’s associate were so horrified!
22/
That’s why the cashier at Dollar Tree and the Lowe’s associate were so horrified!
22/
It’s gotten so bad that even my tweet numbering in this thread has gone off the fucking rails!!!!
I WILL NOT BOW TO THE GODS OF BIG LIGHTER!!!!!!
“Ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of handheld-gas-propelled-fire-instruments...”
¡¢§/
I WILL NOT BOW TO THE GODS OF BIG LIGHTER!!!!!!
“Ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of handheld-gas-propelled-fire-instruments...”
¡¢§/
Lmao Allison just found some at Walmart... nevermind
SO THE WALTON FAMILY IS
a̷̡͕̖͕̥̥̠̳̤̹̳͔̫̿̎̀ ̷̰̟͂g̸͖̈̈́̂͠e̸̛̫̯̖̙͂̀̌̔͌̃̀͂͝͠ṇ̷̪͚̠̰̏͑̔͗͒̔͘ě̶͔͉̼͕̠͓̞̞̔͝ ̸̭̘͊̍͛́̍̑͗̐́͒̇́͝s̵̨̧̛̘̙͍̝̞͉̪̜͓̫̙͙͋͋̏̈́ͅn̵̪̈̀̎̑͘̕̚ś̴̪͔̲͚͐̒̏̇̋̈́̆͑̕͝h̷͇͖̊͂͜ḑ̷̧͚̦̻͚̯̹̯͎͍͎̘̬̙͒́͌̍͗͗̕̕͠͝ỹ̸͙͕͍͕̰̮̦͋̓̐̂́͗́̽͊̕͜͠͝s̴̩͕͕͇̺̩̼̪̜͖͎̅͗ͅͅ
a̷̡͕̖͕̥̥̠̳̤̹̳͔̫̿̎̀ ̷̰̟͂g̸͖̈̈́̂͠e̸̛̫̯̖̙͂̀̌̔͌̃̀͂͝͠ṇ̷̪͚̠̰̏͑̔͗͒̔͘ě̶͔͉̼͕̠͓̞̞̔͝ ̸̭̘͊̍͛́̍̑͗̐́͒̇́͝s̵̨̧̛̘̙͍̝̞͉̪̜͓̫̙͙͋͋̏̈́ͅn̵̪̈̀̎̑͘̕̚ś̴̪͔̲͚͐̒̏̇̋̈́̆͑̕͝h̷͇͖̊͂͜ḑ̷̧͚̦̻͚̯̹̯͎͍͎̘̬̙͒́͌̍͗͗̕̕͠͝ỹ̸͙͕͍͕̰̮̦͋̓̐̂́͗́̽͊̕͜͠͝s̴̩͕͕͇̺̩̼̪̜͖͎̅͗ͅͅ
