I need autistics with alexithymia to stop saying, "But I don't have empathy!" You are letting your internalized ableism harm all of us.

A thread... #ActuallyAutistic

Some autistics have alexithymia, some nonautistics have alexithymia, and some autistics, like me, can explain our feelings all the time.

Alexithymia is the inability to identify one's feelings. It is NOT the absence of feelings, nor is it the absence of the ability to love. 2/x

My ex-boyfriend was a very sweet and loving nonautistic man with panic disorder. I now realize he probably had alexthymia.

Anxiety would make him freeze and panic, all the time. But the only way he could tell he was having a panic attack was by his sweat + pounding heart. 3/x

He was incredibly sweet and loving. When I was sad, he was eager to cheer me up.

He couldn't identify his emotions that made him want to comfort me, he did it by impulse.

4/x

His alexthymia made his anxiety disorder worse because he couldn't understand why he was anxious all the time. It was terrifying for him.

But he didn't need to be able to identify his feelings in order to have feelings and be loving.

5/x

I conversely am an autistic without alexithymia. I can explain my feelings in words all the time, and in great detail why I feel that way. My mental health probably benefits from this.

Let me tell you one thing that kept me away from my autistic identity for 30+ years. 6/x

The dreaded fucking autistics lack empathy myth. Pioneered by such evil as Lovaas and Simon Baron Cohen.

Empathy, to me, is caring about other people's feelings...

7/x

I can read allistic and autistic body language pretty well, but even I can't tell exactly how everyone is feeling at all times.

That doesn't mean I lack empathy.

8/x

When ableists say autistics lack empathy, they are deliberately dehumanizing us.

Because caring about other people's feelings is supposed to be a major feature of our humanity.

9/x

My ex couldn't explain or identify his feelings. But it in no way harmed his ability to love and care about other people. People with alexithymia can care about and love other people. Empathy. 10/x

So when people like Paige Lyle, with her huge platform, says "autistics are egotistical!" it's like a dagger to my heart.

I know she's only a kid, but she has a lot more influence at age 20 than I did at her age.

11/x

Do not gang up on her. As much as I'm mad about ASAN now, I know she is in turmoil from being ganged up on about that. Don't do it.

And lots of other autistics are also delighted to spread their internalized ableism in much worse ways. Like Amy Gravino endorsing ABA. 12/x

But if you're #ActuallyAutistic and you're not actively fighting the awful dehumanizing "lack of empathy" "Theory of Mind" myths, then you need to start fighting it now.

FIN