I didn't have privacy as a child, so masking became a means of survival. A false impression of myself helped me to get through situations I didn't understand. When I don't mask, people are either afraid of me or pissed off. https://twitter.com/mykola/status/1387794143708073991

I don't like that people think masking is being fake or disingenuous. In reality, it just buys me time. It's the only way I know how to keep people engaged. I know normal isn't real, but I don't want to be treated special. I only want the benefit of the doubt.

At the same time, yes, in some ways, I take pride in fooling people. I feel proud of myself when NT people can't tell I'm on the spectrum; I don't care if it's ignorance or not. At least I communicated something I intended.

My thoughts don't even feel private; even in my head, I'm on a stage, and every misstep feels like I'm bombing in front of a packed crowd at the apollo. It's hard for me to feel I know myself sometimes.

So masking is about maintaining my privacy or fighting for a private place in my thoughts, which is made up of a neverending cycle of catchphrases I use like passwords to gain access to spaces, I'd otherwise be considered too "anti-social" to be a part of.