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dont read this if u dont like pain but hello ...... zzs grumbling offhandedly one day that it sucks that he cant drink wine anymore. that he misses it. “what is life if i cant drink wine?” he says dramatically.
he expects wkx to laugh the comment off like he alw does, bc they both know hes joking. right? but wkx doesnt say anything. zzs looks over to wkx, a half smile still on his face. wkx wasnt smiling back. zzs is puzzled. why was wkx taking it so srsly this time?
they always joked abt it. joked abt how they missed eating good food, strolling through the streets, drinking until they could no longer walk anymore... wait.
zzs suddenly comes to a belated realisation that hes the only one who has been joking abt it. all along only him.
zzs suddenly comes to a belated realisation that hes the only one who has been joking abt it. all along only him.
each time wkx would just laugh, sometimes even make a teasing remark. but he was never the one who complains. he never complained about that. zzs tries to meet wkx’s gaze, but it’s hard bc wkx is only looking down.
a thin line on his lips and a small crease on his brow, he looked as if he was contemplating smth. zzs knew he had fucked up.
“lao wen-“
“ah xu.” wkx cuts him off before he cld say anything.
“lao wen-“
“ah xu.” wkx cuts him off before he cld say anything.
“you must miss all of that very much. especially the freedom. i know how much that meant to u.” he says.
zzs opens his mouth. closes them again. he’s not sure of what to say.
zzs opens his mouth. closes them again. he’s not sure of what to say.
wkx looks at him. he wants to ask if he regrets it, if he regrets ... them. if he regrets choosing wkx over freedom. the one thing that meant the most to him. but he cant. he doesnt want to hear the answer. he doesnt want to know.
he remembers what zzs had said a few decades ago, abt how he wouldnt mind eating ice and snow for the rest of his life as long as he got to bask in the sun with him.
wkx had grinned widely back then, heart blooming as if it were filled with flowers, beating so fast he thought it wld jump out of his chest. ah xu had chosen him. ah xu had chosen him, his soulmate, over freedom. surely that had to mean something.
but over the years as he hears ah xu lament abt the things he misses, trying to disguise them as jokes, he cant help but wonder if ah xu still feels the same way he did back then.
its easy to say something when it has only been a while, and back then they were elated at even having a chance to live. it was the adrenaline. it was the unexpected chance. it’s easy to say something, to have unspoken promises among sweet nothings.
but sentiments change. and theres nothing u can do about that. despite how u rlly may have felt a certain way back then, despite how certain u may have been that it would never change back then, once it changes, theres rlly nothing anyone can do abt it.
zzs stares at wkx quietly. he knows what he wants to ask. but hes glad he didnt. bc honestly? he didnt know how to answer. zzs felt that regrets were pointless, that there was no point thinking abt how smth cld have been better if it was alr over.
but he would be lying if he said he didnt miss drinking wine outside taverns. would be lying if he said he didnt miss jumping around from one restaurant to another and feasting. would be lying if he said he didnt miss walking on the streets. simply just .... walking.
he would also be lying if he said he wasnt sick of shoving nothing but ice down his throat, of looking at nothing but piles of white.
so he looks at wkx, saying nothing. and in return, wkx says nothing either. they both look at each other, countless thoughts in their minds but none for them to say.
it had only been a few decades.
and an eternity is a long long way to go.
it had only been a few decades.
and an eternity is a long long way to go.
