Thread by @supersoakedjin, it's 3am and there's a spider in my room[a thread] i think [...]

it's 3am and there's a spider in my room

[a thread]

i think it must be fate or terrible luck or someone forgot to close the door but i was jamming out to the hxh character song "cruel spider" when this little eight-legged bastard comes creeping down the wall

i'm not against spiders; they've got benefits and look, i know they gotta get places and eat the critters but why here!!! i don't have any bugs for you!!! and there are plenty of other nice corners where you can web up an mtv crib feature home please you can't do this to me buddy

so i went to grab a cup from the bathroom because i have this tactic whenever i'm faced with a spider problem where i put the cup over it, slide a piece of paper underneath, then speedwalk towards the nearest door and let it out (no harm done) but when i come back it's gone

and i maybe definitely mildly panic since i don't want a big surprise reveal or step on it or wake up in the morning with it beside me in bed (at least not on the first date, c'mon) so i stand there just cold sweat heart racing "holy shit what now"

and i jump for my chair because i know it couldn't possibly have reached it in such a short time (the carpet is a hazard. open terrain). a few minutes pass and i'm just staring at the wall i saw it last and i'm about to give up and write my will when i see it again...

oh my GOD it's crawling ON MY WINDOW BLINDS!!! like on the panel!! barely any surface area for me to get my cup there!!! at this point i'm scared for my future. we're talking almost parkour-like aerobatics with this one. who knows what else it could accomplish

my cup is useless on my table now. i can't do anything. i'm weak. i watch the spider crawl up the blinds on the actual string part, dangling a bit and hanging around at the top. i think it knows i'm scared. i think it likes it.

guess this spider's a dom. bastard. anyways i also think it's a bit of a tsundere because after tormenting me in my face, it crawled back inside and is probably chilling in some part of the blind where i can't see it power up to a final boss level i swear i'm gonna perish

i know where it is but i also don't know exactly where. it could very likely have moved tactical positions while i was typing out these tweets and perhaps my final tweets. seriously i don't know what to do. should i start rambling to it? spill my life story and drive it away

it seems like i have only one of two options:

1) live with it. accept my fate. this is what has become of me and i must reconcile with the unknown. i must be brave and understand that this is nature's course and the path the universe has steered me down. i will survive. i hope.

2) refuse. attack the blinds. throw my damn cup at it. shake the panels as the dust falls on me and scream "you bastard what do you have against me! what is your agenda! no solicitors!" and wake everyone up so that they may find the solution for me or perish alongside me

i don't really like both options. let's add a third because life is about choices:

3) try to establish a connection. start a conversation and see if we share similar tastes in anime. maybe it has good judgement. or maybe it likes the way bleach ended and we never become nakama

it's 3:30am now. i'm seriously losing it. the cup is still here as reinforcement but i doubt it can do anything. it's empty. not even a glass half full. just empty. is this poetic? could i extract a semblance of meaning and metaphor from this? is the spider me?

no. it's only pain. this is my punishment. this is the cruel spider who has come to deliver me retribution and i am the mere subject of its malice. sigh. well. i could give bdsm a try

i give up, honestly. this is tomorrow morning's problem. i'm gonna give it space and hey a new roommate might be fun. wish it paid rent but whatever i'm not gonna bug it about its financial situation. i'm a considerate person that way. you hear me, god? where's my good karma

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