hello, idk if this tweet will pass through your feed or you'll read this. but this thread might be painful (or maybe not).

So, my birthday last 2019 is one of the most painful birthdays I had. My father has been suffering sepsis. Sepsis is a very dangerous illness. I'll just leave the important info here.

well, thank you google for helping me to explain hehe.

Most of my friends knew what happened. I also told others about it bc they wanted to know why. Okay back to the story.

Since he's suffering from sepsis, antibiotics are everywhere. We can't stop his IV/medicine bc once his heart or muscles didn't receive it ++

++ it might result to septic shock. Septic shock is when you experienced the drop of your blood pressure which may cause to heart failure. So basically, I celebrated my birthday in the hospital. They insisted to at least celebrate a little and he wants to lessen the pain.

So uhm, fast forward. We've celebrated my birthday there, had a little chitchats with other patients there and everything went well. His dialysis even went well and they told me it's bc I didn't leave him.

Okay fast forward again. My father died on the 4th day of May. ++

++ Almost a week after my birthday. For me it's hard to remembe rthose days esp seeing the doctors reviving your dad in front of you. So, everytime I knew that my birthday is coming it's like "you'll be happy for a day and you'll go back to 2019".

Well now, I can say that I am healing a little. What pains me now is seeing my mother playing this specific song over and over again.

I Have You by: the Carpenters

If you know this song, then good for you. But if someone in here doesn't know it, ++

++ There are lyrics in there saying

"I believe in happy endings. Though I've only known a few"

"For as rare as they are, like a bright falling star, I found one in you"

"Sometimes when I'm almost to surrender, and I stop and I remember, I have you to save my day" ++

++ If it's hard to see my father on that year, it's double or triple for my mom. I remember her not crying whenever she's with us but she's bursting out once she's with her friends. So, even if I experience breakdowns I never told her bc I know she's still in pain.

This is the other reason why I always continue even if I'm tired of school. I always wanted them to receive the a medal from me. Something that they never asked me to aim but will be there happiness once I gave it to them. They never pressure me to study but this is the only ++

thing I can give them. I remember asking or wishing that if this will happen in the next life, please allow my new self, my mother and my sister be with my dad for longer years that I've experienced.

Btw, my mom still listens to the song. Maybe 3x a day or more.

If you reached the end of this thread, please remember, we are not only the ones who's suffering. They also have their own breakdowns.

They also experience pain which they are trying to hide. Love them mor. You'll never know when will be the last time you'll see their smiles.