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a detailed thread about my experience
a detailed thread about my experience
im born in a muslim family and my parents can be defined as quite conservative. since the age of 10 i never stepped out of the house without covering myself and i perfected that slowly as i grow up
a visual rep of how i dress in front of non mahrams. i always cover my chest, i wear long sleeves, not a strand of hair is shown and the worst i can do is not wearing socks (pic from google i edited a bit creds to the owner)
see this is how i dress in front of NON MAHRAMS. one thing i hope we can fix is that the mentality all harassment happens outside of our “home”. i can say thats not true bc my molester/ rapist was my own brother, a MAHRAM for me
one day in 2016, i saw my mom looking at her phone w a shocked expression. i secretly peeked and saw she was scrolling through youtube searches and i remember my older bro was playing with the phone earlier. my mom took screenshots and kept quiet
a week after, i heard my parents call my bro in a serious voice and they talked privately in their room. after that nothing happened and my bro walked out of the room with a normal expression and we all continued our lives as usual
one particular day, MB (my brother) was weirdly close to me, and keeps holding my hands, arms and body parts. i didnt do anything at first but slowly became creeped out by his behaviour
then suddenly he asks me if he can lick me. i obviously said no, and he said “where do u want me to lick u?” “hands? lips? stomach?” and i shook my head each time. at this moment i remember when i peeked at the yt searches i saw “(name) and (name) lick body”
that night, i didn’t know what i was expecting. i sleep with my brothers, bc my room at that time had no fan and no aircon so my parents tell me to sleep w them. at abt 11am i woke up to a strange feeling and realized MB was licking me.
i froze. i didnt know what to do. i was clueless, scared. he started pressing his lips on mine, and i turned away as if i was sleeping. he kissed the back of my neck and i rlly didn’t know what to do. i want to scream, but i couldn’t find my voice.
he even went as far as rubbing my private part. this went on for a few nights, until one time i sat up and punched him right in the face. he stopped immediately and no words were mentioned of this afterwards. i was 9 yrs old and he was 11
ofc i thought of telling my parents, but i couldn’t. everytime i recall those nights i feel dirty, i feel as though im broken. MB is also my parents firstborn and they r so proud of him, he will help the family and lead us, he has a bright future, oh our dear son
this isnt the matter of what i was wearing, where i was sleeping and anything abt me. for years i blame myself for this, why did i sleep with them, why wasnt i careful, why did i wear t shirts to bed, why didn’t i scream. but i never asked “ why did he do this to me?”
everything starts from home. teach your children better, bc they dont need to be a grown up to experience and commit things like this. a person who drowns in a 20 feet deep lake is the same with a person who drowns in a 50 feet deep lake.
if u came to this part of the thread, thank you sm for listening to my story. i appreciate it with my whole heart
what i was wearing on one of the nights it happened
