I don't think I wanna stream today... Watching something about someones situation with how theyve changed over time, makes me think about myself more and more of who I am and where im really going...

Am I really a successful person? AM I, really in the right group of friends...?

I feel a significant distrubance within me that wants to let things out, but without actual privacy or my own self care to really relax... I feel empty. Like nothing matters anymore... Is Moonie really.. me? Someone loving, caring, but a horse to the screen. What ways (if any)

can i even potentially give myself to bring this out further? I only have skills for videos, streams, slight artistic and graphic design... but nothing in the world of 3d modeling. I want something that brings more of Moonlight to life... Moonie being a simple, fitting name for->

her. But at the same time, the shit I do, feels irrelivant because the friends I make, grow dull at times, and I go silent, fast.

I am conflicted.....

Do I want to continue a path of enjoyment streaming/editing until it becomes something big? Or is this just going to be->

another tattered page in my history that brands me a loser or failure because I wanna have a nice, comfortable life doing something fun...?

Maybe repressed feelings of how my dad treated me are taking up that... Always being called a failure, an embarrassment....->

A disappointment even....

I lack some skills to be better at this life im given.... And I don't know where to go....