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The matter of a wife who cheated and as a result the court in Zim ordered a full refund has got us all hot n bothered on these twitterstreets. Most tweets say the woman deserved it for being such an abysmal cheat. I will explore the Ndebele cuture on this subject
How does our Ndebele culture treat womens sexuality and supposed infidelity? What follows may surprise shock , embarass and anger you. But all Im stating is facts from Ndebele history and culture @tlsibanda @MimiReeds #ndebeletwitter
Firstly we must understand that the sexual rights of women were not subject to victorian christian values that have been enculturated today. For example in isiNdebele there is no word for cheating in a relationship. Instead the proper word used is ubutshapha meaning indiscretion
There was recognition and accommodation of the sexual needs of women. Eg as most men spent long periods away in battle or for work, women would put umthanyelo by the door as a sign that the hut is occupied and others should not come in and disturb the trysts
When a man was returning home he was not allowed to suddenly return or surprise wife by returning unannounced. Custom dictated that he sends little boys ahead or comes singing at the top of his voice to warn the wife lest he find her in a compromised position
Some modern men think they are kings. Well both Kings Mzilikazi and Lobengula used to assign certain men to look after their wives. One such Ndlovu man from Tsholotsho failed to satisfy the kings wife that she reported him and he was executed for keeping the kings wife hungry!
The great indlovukazi herself Queen Lozikeyi who never had sexual relations with King Lobengula was herself looked after by a man called Magenga. Marieke Clark in her book on Lozikeyi notes that Ndebele women were quite liberated in sexual expression much to the delight of whites
The Ndebele nation of King Mzilikazi emphasised family, clan and nation units. It had multiple mechanisms for growing families and keeping them together. It recognised that womens needs had to be satisfied with great discretion of course hence what was frowned upon was ubutshapha
Even today Ndebele culture recognises that a child may not be from the man of the house so when it cries continuously they say to the mom phuma phandle umbize ngezibongo zakwabo. The belief is a child will cry til you call it by its fathers surname , so go outside keep it secret
Ask your Ndebele elders about such things and you will be pleasantly or rudely surprised. Girls dont get too happy. Asifuni ubutshapha. Imizi mayakhiwe ngokuziphatha. But when the going gets tough , ask the elders there are always solutions in the Ndebele culture....
