Instead of waiting for Rupert Murdoch’s Fox News or New York Post organizations to crank out another crazy and false story, let’s crowdsource this thing and save them some time. Conspiracy theorizing is hard work.

“Today, we have learned about a plot by ______”

“... to indoctrinate our children with _____ ...”

“as a means of subverting America with the proliferation of __________.”

“Furthermore, it has been confirmed that this insidious plot is soon going to reach as far as _________.”

“You can protect your family from this dangerous anti-American plot by continuing to watch us and by ______.”

And just like that, guys, we’ve done our part to help some poor Murdoch staffer have some new material and to take that well-deserved lunch break. Grabbing a good hamburger. While hamburgers still exist.