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Today in therapy we talked about self esteem and this part = 
“Being understood, respected, and taken seriously is basic to the development of self-esteem.”
I’ve always joked I was Cassandra, doomed to never be taken seriously and ridiculed even when I speak the truth.
“Being understood, respected, and taken seriously is basic to the development of self-esteem.”
I’ve always joked I was Cassandra, doomed to never be taken seriously and ridiculed even when I speak the truth.
I was never taken seriously until like my late 20s and I’m still fighting this. It’s my curse. I was the butt of every joke until I literally ditched 98% of my friends. I was infantilized and constantly humiliated by the people in my life.
I have literally never had good or healthy levels of self-esteem.
After I was sexually assaulted I decided I was not a good person worthy of good things.
But I wanted to be. I wanted to be worthy of love and attraction and warmth...
After I was sexually assaulted I decided I was not a good person worthy of good things.
But I wanted to be. I wanted to be worthy of love and attraction and warmth...
And to do that I stopped having sex. I was not worthy of good sex so why bother having any?
Then I got my GED and went to college. That made me feel too good about myself so I moved in with a guy that was only nice to me like half the time. You know, to even it out
Then I got my GED and went to college. That made me feel too good about myself so I moved in with a guy that was only nice to me like half the time. You know, to even it out
I became a straight a student and poured my entire being into school and this imaginary future where I, Paige, litchral scum, was worthy of having a job and friends who were good people. I would be worthy of the unconventional life I so desperately needed just to survive
I still feel unworthy of everything I have. Every silver lining has a cloud and i think “yep well that’s life it’s what I deserve” and like
I would fucking hate myself if I ever said this or thought like this about another person.
I would fucking hate myself if I ever said this or thought like this about another person.
Celebrating the things I do right is scary, because I feel like they’re stolen and if I draw attention to it people will realize I don’t deserve them.
“Why do you always minimize things?”
Because I’m only allowed to have the medium. Not the top.
“Why do you always minimize things?”
Because I’m only allowed to have the medium. Not the top.
Quite frankly, this is all bullshit. I know it’s bullshit. I know I’m not worthless— but I still feel it. I still feel that belief in there, holding on for dear life.
“I’m not a good person.”
“I’m not a good person.”
I know in my rational brain that I busted my ass and clawed my way up out of the deepest darkest hole ever and that I am independent and self sufficient. I know I did that but it doesn’t ever feel like it’s actually a big deal. And when I do let myself feel proud it feels wrong
I wish I had more positive things to say here. I’m ok! Do not worry! 
I know my self-esteem isn’t where I want it to be and that I am getting there. It’s just kind of shocking to see just how much my little cosmic curse actually affected me
I know my self-esteem isn’t where I want it to be and that I am getting there. It’s just kind of shocking to see just how much my little cosmic curse actually affected me
And yes for the Astro crowd - all of this is reflected in my 
Chiron in 7H. The first time I read that I was like HOLY SHIT I THOUGHT I WAS JUST JOKING ABOUT THAT!!
Chiron in 7H. The first time I read that I was like HOLY SHIT I THOUGHT I WAS JUST JOKING ABOUT THAT!!
I hope showing you witches how ok it is to be an imperfect and absolute mess AND live a dreamy magical life helps you all realize how dope you probably already are. I didn’t really realize I might be cool until you all told me lol so here’s me repaying the favour! 
