Thread by @FatFemnistWitch, Today in therapy we talked about self esteem and this part = [...]

FatFemnistWitch

Today in therapy we talked about self esteem and this part =

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤯" title="Explodierender Kopf" aria-label="Emoji: Explodierender Kopf">

“Being understood, respected, and taken seriously is basic to the development of self-esteem.”

I’ve always joked I was Cassandra, doomed to never be taken seriously and ridiculed even when I speak the truth.

I was never taken seriously until like my late 20s and I’m still fighting this. It’s my curse. I was the butt of every joke until I literally ditched 98% of my friends. I was infantilized and constantly humiliated by the people in my life.

I have literally never had good or healthy levels of self-esteem.

After I was sexually assaulted I decided I was not a good person worthy of good things.
But I wanted to be. I wanted to be worthy of love and attraction and warmth...

And to do that I stopped having sex. I was not worthy of good sex so why bother having any?
Then I got my GED and went to college. That made me feel too good about myself so I moved in with a guy that was only nice to me like half the time. You know, to even it out

I became a straight a student and poured my entire being into school and this imaginary future where I, Paige, litchral scum, was worthy of having a job and friends who were good people. I would be worthy of the unconventional life I so desperately needed just to survive

I still feel unworthy of everything I have. Every silver lining has a cloud and i think “yep well that’s life it’s what I deserve” and like

I would fucking hate myself if I ever said this or thought like this about another person.

Celebrating the things I do right is scary, because I feel like they’re stolen and if I draw attention to it people will realize I don’t deserve them.
“Why do you always minimize things?”
Because I’m only allowed to have the medium. Not the top.

Quite frankly, this is all bullshit. I know it’s bullshit. I know I’m not worthless— but I still feel it. I still feel that belief in there, holding on for dear life.
“I’m not a good person.”

I know in my rational brain that I busted my ass and clawed my way up out of the deepest darkest hole ever and that I am independent and self sufficient. I know I did that but it doesn’t ever feel like it’s actually a big deal. And when I do let myself feel proud it feels wrong

I wish I had more positive things to say here. I’m ok! Do not worry!

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💜" title="Violettes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Violettes Herz"> I know my self-esteem isn’t where I want it to be and that I am getting there. It’s just kind of shocking to see just how much my little cosmic curse actually affected me

And yes for the Astro crowd - all of this is reflected in my

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="♊️" title="Zwilling" aria-label="Emoji: Zwilling"> Chiron in 7H. The first time I read that I was like HOLY SHIT I THOUGHT I WAS JUST JOKING ABOUT THAT!!

I hope showing you witches how ok it is to be an imperfect and absolute mess AND live a dreamy magical life helps you all realize how dope you probably already are. I didn’t really realize I might be cool until you all told me lol so here’s me repaying the favour!

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💖" title="Funkelndes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Funkelndes Herz">

You can follow @FatFemnistWitch.

Tip: mention @twtextapp on a Twitter thread with the keyword “unroll” to get a link to it.

Latest Threads Unrolled: