People think it’s weird that I’m gay & celibate & don’t find celibacy toxic. They want to know how I “do it.”

To begin with, I don’t start with sin.

Most Christians start their approach to sexual ethics with sin. Why? What good does this do? It creates a theology obsessed with all of the ways we might “fall to temptation” instead of how we might follow the witness of Jesus in our lives.

Jesus came to defeat the power of sin. Why lay our foundations in a thing that Jesus came to abolish?

When we center our theology on avoiding temptation, we give sin a kind of negative power. We ironically allow fear of sin to rule our lives. Sin takes control, and the Gospel is forgotten.

The point of a healthy ethic—sexual ethic or otherwise—is not avoiding sin. The point is to practice a way of life that helps us become our best selves.

This means that a healthy sexual ethic shouldn’t trap us in a cycle of guilt & shame over sin. It should invite us into something beautiful that makes us feel fuller & more like ourselves, something that brings us closer to God instead of making God feel hopelessly distant.

If celibacy is creating distance between you & God, it isn’t healthy. If your sexual ethic is making you feel like a worse human being, it isn’t good.

If you believe that celibacy is God’s path for you—as I do—then get rid of the toxic foundations & start from scratch. Apart from sin. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in learning to practice this spiritual vocation in the freedom of Jesus Christ.