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Working in an office is my only skill. These are my tips.
1. Under promise, over deliver. If you are given a project that you can bang out in 2 days, triple it and ask for a full week. Finish it in two days, take a day to edit and polish, deliver 2 days early.
1. Under promise, over deliver. If you are given a project that you can bang out in 2 days, triple it and ask for a full week. Finish it in two days, take a day to edit and polish, deliver 2 days early.
2. Ask questions you already know the answers to. It is a quick and easy way to appear engaged and interested without opening whole new cans of worms. Don& #39;t keep asking the same question over and over again though, then you look like you& #39;re not paying attention.
3. Ask for help with problems you have already solved. This one can be dangerous, do not use on a narcissist or you will never be rid of them. Best used on a boss when you want to show off or get some brownie points. "I had this idea but wanted to get your take..."
4. Listen to all the gossip, trust about 5% of it and repeat none of it. You want to be seen in the office as a good listener but not a gossiper. Offices breed gossip like bathroom tile breeds mold and never ever let a man tell you he doesn& #39;t gossip, old men are the worst ones.
5. Avoid every meeting you are not contractually obligated to attend. Meetings are the devil& #39;s playground, they will suck the will to live directly out of your body and you will never get that piece of your soul back.
6. If you have to lead a meeting, for the love of god, have a solid agenda with topics and deliverables, moderate your own meeting so that the loud mouths don& #39;t take over and argue everyone to death and so fucking help me if you go over your allotted time again, Brenda, I swear.
7. Get out of the office at least once a day, even if that means just pacing around a parking lot or sitting in your car. Get out from under those lights, go breathe air and be a person for a minute at least and afternoon burnout won& #39;t be such an issue.
8. Avoid learning the location of the snack machine at all costs. Do not bring change to work. Do not make friends with the guy who refills the machine so he can make change for you. I beg you, do not do this.
9. Make friends with HR but do not trust HR. HR does not exist to protect the employees, HR exists exclusively to protect the company from the employees. When HR comes asking questions, ANY questions, play very stupid and say as little as possible. Just like cops.
10. Bow in reverence at the feet of the IT gods. Bring them cookies & pray your sacrifice is worthy. Compliment their desk clutter as you beg them to fix the thing you broke & hope that they take mercy upon you & unlock your VPN. All hail and glory to IT gods! Long may they rein!
