let's create a shorthand for, "hey, friend with adhd! i haven't heard from you for a while. i am not mad at you. i just wanted to remind you that i'm here, we're friends, it doesn't need to be a big weird thing for you to reengage after a period of silence!"

the thing about this is that adhd makes you certain the world is rejecting you or preparing to reject you. if they perceive you and your hideous failures, they will reject you.

and so saying, "hey, i'm not mad at you!" is a vital friendship action if you've got friends w adhd.

perhaps you are thinking, "but my friend with adhd hasn't done anything that would make me upset with them! why would they feel this way?"

our failures are very tangible. we have evidence.

having empathy for your friends with adhd means not dismissing their rejection dysphoria (the common response, ime), but meeting it head on with reminders that it doesn't make us unlovable.